“I can’t stand to see, you look at me in that way”…

girld

~

I know all is lost…
I know you are gone…

I know what I did…
I know I was wrong…

I made a mistake…
I abused all your trust…

I destroyed what we had…
I feel only disgust…

I have no excuses…
I just can’t explain…

I can’t make this right…
I can’t ease your pain…

I can’t change the past…
I can’t press reset…

I play it over and over…
I’m filled with regret…

I can no longer sleep…
I can’t seem to cope…

I’ve no way forward…
I’m lost in the smoke…

I’m not asking for pity…
I don’t want sympathy…

I just need you to know…
I wasn’t the real me…

I projected my anger…
I’m responsible for the act…

I wish I could rewind…
I wish I could go back…

I never meant to hurt you…
I never meant to cause harm…

I just wanted you to listen…
I needed to raise the alarm…

I couldn’t find the words…
I couldn’t articulate…

I didn’t think about it…
I acted in such haste…

I let my fists speak…
I broke all the rules…

Eye made you cry…
I’m such a fool…

I am sorry…

~

 

“Everyone I know, goes away in the end”…

dark

~

Switching it all off…
Trying to zone out…

My head’s full of trouble…
My mind’s full of doubt…

In need of something…
To remove this pain…

Release the burden…
And ease the strain…

As I’m falling deeper…
And sinking so fast…

You promised to help…
But your promises don’t last…

You walked away…
Not feeling a thing…

On the cliff edge…
You left me hanging…

Ignoring my words…
And numb to it all…

Your callous heart…
Doesn’t care if I fall…

As your ears don’t listen…
Your eyes don’t see…

You were never focused…
On my desperate plea…

We were friends forever…
Until it got rough…

A fair-weather friend…
Once it got tough…

You followed the path…
Of least resistance…

Only caring about…
Your own fucking existence…

Leaving me drowning…
In this pool of self-pity…

Cold and all alone…
In such a heartless city…

Searching for something…
To take my pain away…

And wondering if these pills…
Will be the easy pathway…

~

“There is a girl I used to know”…

art

~

She was the exception…
She broke all your rules…

That tiny fallen angel…
With a tendency to bruise…

Who had unrivalled beauty…
With the brains to match…

You should have stayed away…
Should have only watched…

Keeping a safe distance…
Instead you grew too close…

And in the lingering shadows…
You were hit by Lust’s arrows…

As her smile lit up the darkness…
And her eyes just hypnotised…

You fell hook, line and sinker…
Bought into Lust’s sweet lies…

She cast a spell upon you…
Made you think it was all true…

And you fell so fucking deeply…
Into an ocean of neon blue…

That felt so warm and safe…
Where mermaids swam silently…

Your heart was bound and captured…
Your eyes too blind to see…

Becoming locked in limbo…
In between the dark and light…

A place you couldn’t escape from…
And it haunted you at night…

Where it all seemed so perfect…
And the beast was not a fool…

Where there was no need…
To act so fucking cool…

Like a poor man’s James Dean…
A rebel without a cause…

You ignored the true reality…
Overlooked all of your flaws…

And it always ends the same…
But even though it’s far behind…

Those moments that you shared…
Still weigh heavy on your mind…

~

“If a child, a child cries would you not forgive them”…

girl

~

Tuesday’s child…
Was mild and meek…

Had a sweet voice…
But dare not speak…

In fear of being…
Pushed away…

Or being punished…
Fading to grey…

Trying to avoid…
That cruel back hand…

Which demanded obedience…
And burned like a brand…

To be seen not heard…
Were words to live by…

Survival of the fittest…
“Eye Will Not Cry”

Dodging verbal bullets…
Living with the abuse…

Never getting it right…
Covering each bruise…

Counting down the hours…
Waiting for the day…

That escape to freedom…
Would finally pave the way…

To a new existence…
One without any fear…

One without the pain…
One without the sneers…

That kept on coming…
No matter right or wrong…

As each furious beating…
Dispelled the need to belong…

Until the day it happened…
The abuse became too much…

A desire for self-preservation…
Led to a retaliatory punch…

The abuser losing footing…
Falling down the stairs…

And the key to freedom…
Was contained in a lifeless stare…

~

“And now she’s in me, always with me”…

dance_in_the_shutter_IX_by_mehmeturgut

~

He’s no longer sure…
If he liked you that much…

He no longer craves…
The warmth of your touch…

The spark has died…
And there is little else left…

What once existed…
Has been laid to rest…

Leaving you a stranger…
No longer part of his dreams…

Like a bit part actress…
That’s seldom on screen…

And stood on the outside…
You’re now looking in…

Wondering how this happened…
Much to your chagrin…

As there was a time…
When he worshiped you…

He believed your lies…
Prayed they were true…

And connected so deep…
You shook his very soul…

Sending his moral compass…
Spinning out of control…

He became your puppet…
The mistress’s servant…

He’d do anything for you…
Even if you didn’t deserve it…

But you turned on him…
Like a vampire craving blood…

You drained his emotions…
Whilst feasting on the flood…

Leaving him searching…
For the sanctuary of shadows…

A hole in the darkness…
Where only he knows…

A place he could think…
Allow his mind to clearly see…

And it granted him freedom…
From your constant misery…

~

“And my world will stop spinning”…

wreckage

~

Walking from the wreckage…

Of the failed fantasy…

Doomed from the start…

But her eyes refused see…

Or take time to notice…

The flaws in her plan…

As she melted in the eyes…

Of that dreamlike man…

But crossing that white line…

Between two different worlds…

The dream and reality…

Seldom ever works…

As when worlds collide…

Stars begin to fall…

What she thought she wanted…

Just wasn’t right at all…

And living two lives…

Drained so much emotion…

Made her feel like swimming…

In the midst of the ocean…

Subject to nature’s forces…

The push and the pull…

As the swell dragged her under…

It became so damn painful…

No mermaids there to help her…

As guilt filled her lungs…

And choking on her conscience…

Led to speaking with forked tongues…

Lying to those around her…

As the thrill quickly subsided…

Leaving only emptiness…

Whilst her morals were blindsided…

And as she walked away…

Trying to regain some pride…

Sadness filled her heart…

Because part of her had died…

The part that yearned excitement…

The thrill of pure distraction…

That gave her wings to fly…

Yet led to her hearts destruction…

~

“Hear my words that I might teach you”…

gold

~

There’s no way you can kill me…
Because I’m already dead…

A ghostly flicker of a shadow…
Who resides within your head…

Only you can see me…
No one else can ever hear…

I’m your soul’s companion…
The one that you should fear…

I know what you are thinking…
I see what your evil eye sees…

I plant the thoughts into your mind…
All your actions are down to me…

I made you do the bad things…
I let you do all that was good…

And when it came to the evil…
I was the spark on the firewood…

I’m the unseen puppet master…
Controlling all that I choose…

If you ever tried to break free…
You know what you would lose…

All you have to do is obey…
Follow each and every command…

I’ll guide you at the crossroads…
Navigate you through the sinking sands…

But the moment that you cross me…
The minute you try to ignore…

I’ll drag you to a tormented Hell…
And you’ll regret forever more…

So don’t even think about it…
Just do exactly as you’re told…

Accept we’re in this together…
And count the lives we’ve stole…

As you can’t fucking kill me…
I reside within your head…

One day you will silence me…
But not before you’re dead…

~