“I can’t stand to see, you look at me in that way”…

girld

~

I know all is lost…
I know you are gone…

I know what I did…
I know I was wrong…

I made a mistake…
I abused all your trust…

I destroyed what we had…
I feel only disgust…

I have no excuses…
I just can’t explain…

I can’t make this right…
I can’t ease your pain…

I can’t change the past…
I can’t press reset…

I play it over and over…
I’m filled with regret…

I can no longer sleep…
I can’t seem to cope…

I’ve no way forward…
I’m lost in the smoke…

I’m not asking for pity…
I don’t want sympathy…

I just need you to know…
I wasn’t the real me…

I projected my anger…
I’m responsible for the act…

I wish I could rewind…
I wish I could go back…

I never meant to hurt you…
I never meant to cause harm…

I just wanted you to listen…
I needed to raise the alarm…

I couldn’t find the words…
I couldn’t articulate…

I didn’t think about it…
I acted in such haste…

I let my fists speak…
I broke all the rules…

Eye made you cry…
I’m such a fool…

I am sorry…

~

 

“You break me down to pieces, watch me come undone”…

piper

~

Why did you do it…
Why did you come back…

Subjecting my world…
To a sustained attack…

Casting your spells…
And poisoning my mind…

Is this just a game to you…
Why act so unkind…

You know that I’m weak…
You know my Achilles heel…

Yet you exploit my feelings…
Put me though this ordeal…

Does it make you smile…
To inflict all this pain…

Has it become your mission…
To drive me insane…

And make me pay…
For all my mistakes…

Is this what you want…
Is this what it takes…

Getting your thrills…
By watching me suffer…

Was I really that bad…
Hurt you like no other…

Leaving those scars…
So deep and so wide…

Hurting so badly…
Omnipresent, deep inside…

That have left you damaged…
With a thirst for revenge…

And you know how to get it…
You know I’ll descend…

Because I’m an addict…
And you are my drug…

Which makes it so easy…
For you to smile so smug…

And taste your victory…
Over and over again…

Getting off on my torment…
Getting high on my pain…

~

“He was caught in the middle of a desperate fight”…

other-13595142715

~

Stood in the moonlight,
not making a sound…

Her broken heart weeping,
her tears hitting the ground…

Remembering the words,
that fell from his mouth…

The cruel words spoken,
before he headed south…

And out of her sight,
leaving her all alone…

To start a new chapter,
going out on his own…

Trying to move on and
begin his new life…

Leaving her stranded with,
a soul full of strife…

Unsure of the next steps and
unsteady on her feet…

Like a broken up jigsaw,
she felt so incomplete…

As she loved him so much,
with her heart and her soul…

And only holding his hand,
ever made her feel whole…

But she pushed him away,
with so many insecurities…

And with her jealous anger,
she was impossible to please…

Leaving him battered, broken and
driven totally insane…

Till his patience snapped and
the day finally came…

Leaving his past behind,
he disappeared into the distance…

As she dissolved into the shadows,
questioning her existence…

Now she stands in the moonlight,
not making a sound…

Her broken heart weeping,
with no hope to be found…

~

“She’ll come slowly rising, on the air”…

fr

~

She found the letter…
And read the words…

She fell to the ground…
Her cry scattered the birds…

She laid there in shock…
Just couldn’t take it all in…

She didn’t know what to do…
Didn’t know where to begin…

She was enveloped in sadness…
Became shrouded in black…

She couldn’t ever accept…
He was never coming back…

She became so isolated…
Felt so goddamned trapped…

She was blinded by the pain…
Knew she would never adapt…

She loved him so much…
But felt so empty inside…

She craved his smell…
Needed his hand to guide…

She felt so alone…
Like life had no meaning…

She became a shadow…
Only seen in the evening…

She could not see…
Knew the silence would last…

She couldn’t move on…
Was entombed in the past…

She had believed in forever…
And dreamt of growing old…

She could not cope…
As depression took hold…

She lost the will to live…
And decided to get out…

She swallowed the pills…
Without hesitation or doubt…

Then she found him again…
As he sat waiting for her…

The couple finally reunited…
In Death’s cold, hazy blur…

~

“Lately, words are missing from now on”…

angel1

~

Immersed in the silence…

Standing high above…

Away from all the chaos…

With the view of a dove…

Looking down upon them…

Invisible to them all…

The only time they’ll notice…

Is when the ground halts her fall…

She doesn’t know how she got here…

Her day has been a blur…

But the voices keep on talking…

And she’s no strength left to defer…

As this moment has been coming…

She’s grown darker by the day…

Her demons kept tormenting…

Her depression wouldn’t go away…

She’s been looking for an answer…

She’s been praying for a sign…

An end to her inner turmoil…

By some heavenly design…

But the gods have not listened…

Despite all the preachers lies…

Leaving her no other option…

But to sever all her ties…

And as she stands there gazing….

At what lies far below…

She thinks of her family…

Who just didn’t want to know…

The friends who didn’t notice…

And never heard her pleas…

Whist the voices in her head…

Finally forced her to her knees…

To this point of no return…

A place of darkness and despair…

Where her life has no meaning…

Amongst a pile of unanswered prayers…

Leaving only pain and anger…

Pushing her closer to the edge…

And in a desperate bid for freedom…

She steps off the ledge…

~

“I’ve looked at life, from both sides now”…

double_life_by_siudajSTEJ

~

She’s been to dark places…
Where the sun never shines…

And the sky is covered over…
By the blackness in her mind…

She’s enjoyed evil thoughts…
Matched by her actions…

She’s hurt those around…
Whilst seeking some distraction…

She’s a version of another…
The person no one else sees…

Like a stealthy secret agent…
A double life she leads…

Taking risks with her life…
Gently loving, yet deceiving…

In the search of something…
To keep her believing…

That there is more to life…
That a truth will be found…

To assist her find the peace…
So she can sleep sound…

And switch off the visions…
That race through her head…

And mute all the voices…
Wishing she’d not said…

Words of bitter cruelty…
The words of pure hate…

Words she can’t take back…
And that didn’t translate…

Into how she’s feeling…
Because she can’t articulate…

The pain that surrounds her…
She fears it’s much too late…

To resolve this situation…
Or ever reclaim her soul…

That’s inked with her crimes…
Now out of all control…

As she sits in dark places…
Where the sun never shines…

And the sky is covered over…
By the black clouds in her mind…

~

“And these memories lose their meaning”…

11098350_1568241526759877_1394643072_n

~

There are moments in life…
You can never live again…

Moments of pure joy…
Moments of searing pain…

Moments of distraction…
Moments of sinful pleasure…

And moments of deep regret…
That haunt you at your leisure…

There are moments of hurt…
That rip out your heart…

Moments of pure insanity…
Never planned for at the start…

There are moments you create…
And moments that just happen…

The ones you didn’t foresee…
But they left you totally flattened…

There are moments you captured…
Now embedded in your brain…

The ones that you dream about…
Watch again, frame by frame…

And moments that backfired…
That became your nightmares…

They haunt you in your sleep…
Pushing you into deep despair…

There are moments you cherish…
Ones that make you smile…

Moments when life had meaning…
And it all felt so worthwhile…

Those moments you rewind…
The ones you try to replay…

Not the moments of regret…
That must be locked away…

And there was a moment of clarity…
When it all came together…

When you realised your path…
Was the route to stormy weather…

And you came to a crossroads…
Where you finally had to choose…

Was this the life you wanted…
Time to stick or twist, bust and lose…

~

Photo by @michalhustaty on instagram

“Does anyone have a number here, for letting go”…

iphone 3018

~

Speeding through the water…
Cutting like a knife…

Leaving behind all troubles…
The memories and the strife…

And constant little reminders…
Of the dark path of regret…

Whilst dancing with distraction…
That’s been so hard to forget…

To an island lost in time…
Where no one knows your face…

Surrounded by total strangers…
Living life at a slower pace…

Who take you as they find you…
No trace of your history…

Where any mistakes made…
Remain a total mystery…

Out of sight, out of mind…
A chance to lock the box…

Focus on the here and now…
Allow the past to be lost…

Wiped from your memory…
Like some bad. bad dream…

That interrupts your sleep…
Making you silently scream…

Wishing it never happened…
Knowing you can’t be cleansed…

As all the deep dark secrets…
Became sins that simply stained…

The inside of your mind…
And deep within your soul…

Etched inside your spirit…
A sadness you can’t console…

But on this tiny island…
There is a chance to heal…

Pretend it never happened…
Remember how to feel…

Be reminded what it was…
To carry pure innocence…

A feeling so very powerful…
A feeling so damn intense…

~

“Don’t let it in, with no intention to keep it”…

rain

~

She twisted and turned…
Balanced on the right…

But fell into darkness…
Under cover of the night…

Sucked into distraction…
That shattered all illusions…

Believing all the lies…
That verged upon delusions…

They felt so very real…
Attraction was so strong…

Yet hindsight is true vision…
It was so very wrong…

She followed like a rat…
Whilst the pied piper played…

With her eyes half open…
She missed the traps laid…

By Satan and his demons…
Who took full control…

The master of all puppets…
Directing his sinful show…

Leading her into temptation…
Without thought, without fear…

Down the path of no return…
In such a toxic atmosphere…

That filled up all her senses…
Made her eyes go blind…

A momentary lack of reason…
Common sense left far behind…

As it came from the shadows…
It crawled out of the hole…

Seeped into her veins…
Tarnished her very soul…

Leaving her in this place…
Of darkness and of dread…

An everlasting captivity…
No escape within her head…

Payment for her sins…
Punished by those on high…

She didn’t stop to listen…
It’s too late to stand and cry…

~

“The sound of loneliness turned up to ten”…

64

~

This is my life,
my own private hell…

A fucked up misfit,
in a mental prison cell…

Trying so hard,
to please everyone…

Just to be liked,
to be someone’s Sun…

In a cold cruel world,
amidst so much pain…

Never getting it right,
always trying to explain…

Leaving me drained,
bitter and twisted…

Wishing to end it,
like I never existed…

As no one would care,
if I just disappeared…

No one would notice,
if the desk was cleared…

And from this moment,
I dropped off the radar…

Life would go on,
just without my scars…

Where someone else,
would take my place…

Another faceless number,
so easy to replace…

And totally forgotten,
in the blink of an eye…

So maybe now’s the time,
to simply say goodbye…

A final farewell,
to the silent herds…

Leave them a message,
in actions, not words…

As this is my life and
I can no longer take it…

Sick of my imperfections,
sick of being a misfit…

~