“There’s something in the way, she moves me to distraction”…

Pandora__s_Box_by_chibimoth

~

Caught out again…
By a trick of the light…

Pulled down by gravity…
Impossible to fight…

Fooled by the look…
Flashed from her eyes…

Trapped by the Devil…
Removing his disguise…

Revealing a truth…
That shook his world…

Unmuting the voices…
As the saga unfurled…

Joining all the dots…
And making a story…

Of his hidden feelings…
That once were history…

But now they are back…
The flood gates are open…

Despite all his efforts…
He’s unable to close them…

And put back Pandora…
Inside her ornamental box…

An impossible mission…
When it refuses to lock…

Keeping it out there…
Lurking in shadows…

Where the beast feasts…
And the darkness knows…

All of his secrets…
And every white lie…

That gets spoken…
As EYE FLY HIGH…

Bringing back memories…
That once were forgotten…

And buried deep down…
In a box that was rotten…

Now his world is viewed…
Through different eyes…

Making sense of distraction…
And lighting up the night sky…

~

“Take me, back from the darkness where they sent me”…

paradise-lost

~

In a dream within a dream…

Where nothing’s as it seems…

The angels watch and scream…

Then turn their back…

On what plays out before them…

The drama that unfolds…

In a way that blinds their eyes…

And leaves scorch marks on their souls…

A dream where no one can know…

Where cruel realities collide…

Where danger and demons hide…

And only the toughest survive…

An all out attack…

From out of the Black…

And from within the abyss…

Where a blink would miss…

And the winged queen may dismiss…

A plea from the heart…

That was doomed from the very start…

And begin where she ends…

Where lightning strikes and bends…

The strands of time…

And one by one, in a line…

The crawling sinner’s fucked up crime…

Is judged and condemned…

By a system that controls…

Owns all of the souls…

That weep and fly around…

Screaming, yet not making a sound…

Deep underneath the ground…

In this version of Hell…

Where voiceless demons tell…

And hopeless victims sell…

Themselves…

And all that they own…

In the hope that forgiveness is shown…

Within this dream that’s grown…

Into the next…

Leaving your head so vexed…

It’s all so fucking complex…

And so complicated…

The Devil should have waited…

Instead he fucking created…

The lost…

Left counting the cost…

In a winter field of frost…

With wires severely crossed…

In this dream within a dream…

Where nothing was what it seemed…

~

Image – Gustav Dore: Lucifer Falling (Paradise Lost)

“They’re lost and you’re losing your way”…

photo(8)

~

The smell of the ocean and
the sound of the waves…

A tiny slice of heaven,
he could sit here for days…

Just allowing himself,
some private indulgence…

Unchaining his mind,
from life’s dark dungeon…

Watching the birds,
gliding on a slight breeze…

Admiring the conflict,
of the land versus the sea…

As they lock horns in,
their constant battle…

Whilst the sun beams down,
with its warm rays that will…

Create a peaceful memory,
he’ll remember forever…

Imprinted in his mind,
as he begins to endeavour…

To prevent the dark clouds,
that will soon arrive…

Spoiling this oasis,
causing his mood to dive…

And the Black solitude,
once again begins…

It’s a constant presence,
that’s carried on the wind…

Draining his thoughts and
trapping his broken soul…

Chained by the demons,
who once again take control…

But in this moment,
it’s just him and the sea…

He’s feeling so alive and
he’s feeling so free…

Smelling the ocean and
listening to the waves…

This tiny slice of heaven,
has the power to save…

~

“Take me, back from the darkness where they sent me”…

shamanic-dream-angel

~

A dream within a dream…
Where nothing’s what it seems…
And angels watch and scream…

Then turn their back…

On what plays out before
them…

The drama that unfolds…

In a way that blinds their
eyes…

And leaves scorch marks
on their souls…
A dream where no one can
know…

Where realities collide…
And danger and demons
hide…
Where only the toughest
survive…

An all out attack…
From out of the black…

And within the abyss…
Where a blink would miss…
And the winged queen
may dismiss…

A plea from the heart…
That was doomed from
the start…

And begin where she ends…
Where lightning strikes and
bends…

The strands of time…
And one by one, in a line…
The crawling sinner’s fucked up
crime…

Is judged and condemned…

By a system that controls…
Owns all of the souls…

That weep and fly around…
Screaming, yet not making
a sound…
Deep underneath the ground…

In a version of Hell…
Where voiceless demons tell…
And hopeless victims sell…

Themselves…

And all that they own…
In the hope that
forgiveness is shown…
Within this dream that’s
grown…

Into the next…
Leaving your head so
vexed…
It’s all so fucking
complex…

And so complicated…
The Devil should have
waited…
Instead he fucking
created…

The lost…
Left counting the cost…
In a winter field of frost…
With wires severely
crossed…

In a dream within
a dream…
Where nothing is
what it seems…

~

“You’ll never change what’s been and gone”…

~

Nothing is a problem…
Everything is fine…
In this world of darkness…
She stands tall and shines…

Takes on this cruel world…
Stands up for her rights…
She’s the type of girl who’ll…
Begin and end the fight…

So tough on the outside…
As the bark protects a tree…
Projecting so much strength…
So no one can ever see…

 It’s all smoke and mirrors…
In order to distract…
Inside she is so lonely…
  She’s broken and she’s cracked…

Behind the mask is heartache…
Never revealed to the world…
Her mind is always turning…
Leaves her feeling so cold…

She can’t find the answers…
To questions on her mind…
Who is she, how did she get here…
Her world seems so unkind…

She hides her life in shadows…
Walks where nobody can see…
Carrying such a dark secret…
It would be hard to believe…

Lost from the very moment…
That she first drew breath…
Trying to understand the truth…
Before she encounters death…

Abandoned by her parents…
And brought up in a home…
Subjected to such abuse…
For reasons still unknown…

She is totally blameless …
Yet carries so much guilt…
The hatred burns so strong…
Blood will one day be spilt…

But she’ll never let you see
And never let you passed…
The wall built around her…
Hiding her shameful past…

Because nothing is a problem…
And everything is fine…
In her world of darkness…
She stands tall and shines…

~

“We may lose and we may win”…

~

So, in the midst of a busy week that has thrown up more questions than answers on a personal matter, this blog was nominated for an award. Nominated twice actually, which really made me smile and was quite humbling.

It is not the first time; you may remember that previously, the lovely Nina from http://wordsthatflowlikewater.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/inspiring-the-very-inspiring-blogger-award/  Nominated this blog for the “Very Inspiring Blog” award – which was really nice of her.

very-inspiring-blogger-award

This achievement has now been followed up by both Richard from http://richardankerswrites.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/ and Christine from http://crissyb315.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/ nominating this blog for the “Versatile blogger award”.  Which again, is really nice and I am truly humbled.

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Both these awards come with things that need to be done and I have to admit, I am pretty poor at these – however, the fact that these awards come from wordpress peers does mean a lot and whilst I have little of interest about myself to do any sort of list, I do feel the need to spread the word of others blogs.

The below are 10 blogs that I read and follow – and I would encourage you to try them out for size – these are just a snapshot as I follow a huge amount – so if your blog isn’t below, it is not reflection on you – more an opportunity.

Please leave a comment and let people know where they can find you – this could be an opportunity for all of us to build up our wordpress base? Not sure if this will even work, but don’t be shy – we all want to be read – even if we do not think what we produce is worth reading!

So, here is a snapshot in addition to the 3 above and in no order:

http://stevehi312.wordpress.com/

http://helenvalentina.com/

http://shakeyourtailfeathers.wordpress.com/

http://busymindthinking.com/

http://kwicksand.wordpress.com/

http://apurvakj.wordpress.com/

http://sagedoyle.wordpress.com/

http://thedrugstorenotebook.co/

http://randomblurting.wordpress.com

https://morganlefaysblog.wordpress.com/

So, a song to leave this ramble – I watched an Eagles documentary last night and really enjoyed it, so have a few tunes floating round in my head – this one is a message for the weekend – “Take it easy” – no more words needed – well, unless you wish to comment!

Enjoy

“My hands are shaking, don’t let my heart keep breaking”…

~

Her love’s so overwhelming…
Sometimes he just can’t breathe…
It’s like he’s suffocating…
So he really needs to leave…

And find a quiet place…
Somewhere to be alone…
Far away from her company…
Switching off his phone…

It’s not that he doesn’t love her…
Or mean he doesn’t care…
But like a deep sea diver…
He needs to come up for air…

It’s a constant fight for freedom…
A battle to find some space…
And because there is no balance…
He needs to escape from this place…

Her words are quite abusive…
And getting out of control…
He can’t tolerate her mood swings…
  Her depression drains his soul…

It drags him beneath the surface…
Chains and anchors him down…
This weight is too much for him…
He just can’t bear to be around…

So he looks for distraction…
A detachment from reality…
The only way he finds peace…
And keeps in touch with sanity…

He wishes he could change things…
And that her eyes could see…
The damage all around her…
But her ears ignore his plea…

So he keeps on going…
Doing all he possibly can…
Trying so hard to explain…
But he’s just a simple man…

He loves her without question…
Though it’s hard to breathe…
And even when he’s suffocating…
She knows he’ll never leave…

~

“Take me to the place where you go”…

~

Step outside your mind…

Following the moth as it flies…

With Black and Red wings…

This Devil refuses to die…

Amidst Green eyed reflection…

Strip bars and bright lights…

Cold reality burning…

Common sense took flight…

Saying what you mean…

Did you mean what you say…

Alarm bells started ringing…

Such a dangerous game to play…

Seducing me so softly…

Getting underneath my skin…

Pouring me another…

Danced whilst drunk on sin…

You blurred the suggestion…

I laid it all out bare…

I told you my truth…

Wanted to see if you’d dare…

To join in and play…

But it’s no longer hide and seek…

It all used to be a game…

But I was so fucking weak…

Guess…

Can…

You…
~

“His woman threw him out in the ice and snow”…

Glastonbury.

* This ramble begins with a heads up – we are all big boys and girls I know, but the youtube link today contains explicit lyrics – please be aware before you click play!

So, there I was, laptop ready and earphones plugged in on a Sunday night and I was transported to Glastonbury thanks to the BBC online facility. Yet I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness wash over me. Let me try explain, for those who don’t know, Glastonbury is one of the UK’s leading music festivals, but honestly, it is so much more. You can’t really go for the day, for this festival, you have to invest time, money and emotion to really get the best out of it – I have had the good fortune to attend twice, both times arriving on the Thursday morning and leaving on the following Monday afternoon.

My first time was 2004 with friends. I twisted arms and begged them to go and they gave in. Sadly, I got more from the experience than they did, which led to me going solo on the second occasion. Both times were very similar in one respect, in that I arrived to great sunshine, I didn’t take wellies (waterproof boots) and both times, the heavens opened and it just became a total mud bath. Not too much fun when you are wearing a pair of ADIDAS Sambas – schoolboy error on my part, but it didn’t overly detract from the experience, but at the same time, lessons were finally and belatedly learned.

I will never forget the first sight of the “tent city” that lay before me when I entered that first Thursday morning. It really was just awe inspiring. We were lucky to get a great place to pitch tent and from then, it was a vodka fuelled journey into the total unknown. I had heard all the stories, but experiencing it myself for the first time was like an awakening. For the first night, we hung round as a group, but Glastonbury is so big and diverse that we soon parted; only meeting up at certain points to compare notes about what we had seen and what bands we had heard.

So many stalls, events, smells, sights, sounds, it can be quite overwhelming. But it’s at night fall that the place takes on a mystical cloak. The areas within the camp light up and begin to both enchant and entrance you. Nowhere more so than Shangri-La – though I am sure it was called “GlasVegas” back then. For those of you that want to find out more- click here .From a music perspective, I think that first one I went to saw Oasis, Muse, Paul McCartney, Snow Patrol, Franz Ferdinand and The Killers amongst a host of others. I remember being so afraid at first to be within such huge crowds, especially for the headline acts, but soon became accustomed to it.

On my second visit in 2005, I was alone. I couldn’t get anyone to come with me and I did try, but was secretly pleased at the end result. It gave me freedom and wings. It let me do what I wanted, when I wanted and that is really the best way to see Glastonbury. There is a story to tell from my second adventure that included Pete Docherty, Kate Moss, Glenn Tilbrook and a missing mobile phone, but I will save that to some other point in time. It was daft at the time, but looking back, possibly one of those “you had to be there” tales. Again, the rain came, though this time I did queue for boots, only to find they had none in my size once I reached the front! So it was another soggy and muddy trip.

Musically this was much better; The White Stripes were on top form. The Killers had really grown from the last time I saw them and Coldplay – the parts of them I saw – were really good. But it was the other aspects that made the trip better second time. I was more comfortable walking around. I was more daring as to where I went and who I spoke to. I found peace surrounded by all manner of people at midnight in a field overlooking the whole thing and I learned much more about myself in 4 days than I could in a longer time frame anywhere else.

I keep committing to go back, but I keep failing. Money issues, time off work issues, child care issues, all seem to spring up at the wrong time – let alone the hoops you have to jump through to get hold of tickets and then the cost. So now, I watch on TV or online. It’s comfortable, but it’s not the same and the same sadness I felt watching my beloved Crowded House light up Glastonbury in 2008, I felt watching Nick Cave tear up the Pyramid Stage on Sunday night.

However, it has strengthened my resolve, so look out Glastonbury 2014 – One way or another, I’m coming back for visit number 3! Thanks for sticking by another ramble and you are rewarded with the explicit “Stagger Lee” which is spellbinding. It also contains the most surreal moment I think I have seen at a gig, see for yourself and let me know your thoughts on the mystical “Girl in White” near the end – a lucky lass or an amazingly executed plant!

Enjoy

“It is as it is” – For Cancer Research…

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Well…

Not quite sure what to say, but the paperback version of this book of poems is ready to buy earlier than planned! If you click the picture it should take you through to the lulu webpage.

It’s taken a while from concept to delivery, some road humps along the way, but it is not too bad for a first attempt.

All profit from this project will be collated over the next 12 months and donated to Cancer Research.

For your information, the cost to make each book is £4.10, so each purchase will mean a donation of £5.89. I will keep a running total on a fixed page somewhere so you can keep track if you are interested.

A hardback version will follow, but the cost price on that is huge, so I am not sure if there will be much in the way of selling / donations. Time will tell.

When I started this blog, I did it in secret and for the most part, I still do. I wrote and continue to write for therapy under servere pressure, trying to hold my head and my sanity together whilst the world around me fell apart. Watching my Father slip away crowned an amazing 15 month period in my life that couldn’t have been written by the best script writers.

But I am still here, still trying to get through life like we all do – It’s fair to say I have been on the ropes, but not knocked out…

I appreciate that many of you have read my words and have been subjected to my torrid last few months – for that I apologise and thank you in equal measure. Most of you are faceless to me, but you all have a talent in writing and reading others work inspires me to do better and look at my own work through a different lens.

I have had help and encouragement from offline too and they know who they are – so thank you!!

I hope that you are able to donate to this cause, but if not, the poems remain on the site and who knows, a volume 2 may evolve– so thanks again for reading and enjoy.

Cheers

J