Category Archives: father

“I have become, comfortably numb”…

Posted by eyewillnotcry1973 on

ang

~

Here he lies sleeping…
Deep underground…

The grass has grown over…
No trace can be found…

Just a simple plot…
With memories and flowers…

So peaceful and so quiet…
I could sit here for hours…

A place that’s so detached…
In a field full of pain…

My mind floods with memories…
Under a sky filled with rain…

Refusing to let emotions show…
Keeping tears locked away inside…

It’s the way he brought me up…
Even now I can’t cry…

It’s all floating around in there…
Yet I keep it all closed…

If I open the box…
I’ll feel so vulnerable, so exposed…

That’s just not an option…
So it’s a choice I have made…

And along with all the others…
Grieving will be forever delayed…

Perhaps this is my weakness…
A sign that I’m not strong…

But don’t lay there and judge me…
Don’t tell me this is wrong…

It doesn’t mean I don’t think about you…
Or what you mean to me…

Maybe one day I’ll resolve this…
Perhaps then I’ll be set free…

Until then you can sleep…
Your body covered in dirt…

Becoming at one with the Earth…
And at peace from all your hurt…

~

“Don’t think, Don’t worry, Everything’s just fine”…

Posted by eyewillnotcry1973 on

numb-2-blood-man

~

He doesn’t know what…
What you want him to say…

Doesn’t even know…
How he is feeling today…

He doesn’t even know…
What or how to feel…

Yet you ask him to talk…
Ask him to reveal…

You ask him what…
What it is he is thinking…

But his mind is numb…
And his heart is sinking…

All of his life…
He’s kept his emotions at bay…

Don’t you see how easy it is…
Just to lock them away…

If he let them loose…
He would be terrified…

So he keeps them near…
It’s how he’s survived…

It doesn’t mean…
That he’s not keeping you close…

You are the person…
He is needing the most…

Sometimes he needs to be alone…
Open your eyes and see…

Somedays it’s not you…
It’s simply all he can be…

And he has to get through this…
But be true to himself…

So he is leaving the demons…
High on the shelf…

In his dreams they still haunt…
They will always replay…

But it’s a battle he will face…
Some other fucking day…

So please understand…
He can’t do what you do…

He does things his way…
It’s how he gets through…

It’s got him this far…
He’s got to go with his gut…

So the doors are all closed…
And all the windows are shut…

Today it is Black…
Tomorrow may be too…

But no matter what…
Remember he loves only you…

~

 

“Running from the dark, look what you have done”…

Posted by eyewillnotcry1973 on

Shame-3

~

He’s just a little boy…
Lost in a big man’s world…

Drowning in the quicksand…
And not doing as he’s told…

Breaking all the rules…
Not towing the line…

Making weak excuses…
Pretending that he’s “FINE”…

Hurting all his loved ones…
Even if they don’t know…

As he tries to put on…
The most convincing of shows…

Using smoke and mirrors…
To distract and to distort…

Whilst living a sinful lie…
And not doing what he ought…

Not being the man…
They all expect him to be…

Not living the life…
They think that they see…

As he uses his charm…
And deflects any doubts…

It’s his secret weapon…
Only he knows about…

And uses it to dazzle…
Blinding all the eyes…

That may see through him…
And rip off his disguise…

That he hides behind…
Every minute of each day…

Nodding in the right places…
Pretending to care what they say…

When inside he isn’t listening…
He switched off long ago…

Only looking for distraction…
And going with the flow…

Now he keeps on running…
As fast as he possibly can…

One day they might catch him…
And force the boy to become a man…

~

 

“I can’t smile without you”…

Posted by eyewillnotcry1973 on

d-2974

~

She sits all alone…

Remembering the days…

When she felt so safe…

Under his watchful gaze…

Locked in his arms…

Her knight and protector…

He was the only one…

Who made her life better…

And helped her make sense…

Of the world she lived in…

When she wanted to give up…

His words were “keep fighting“…

But since he left her…

It’s been hard to carry on…

Life feels so worthless…

And everything feels so wrong…

With eyes clouded by tears…

That leave their daily mark…

They flow down her face…

Extinguishing any spark…

Of the woman she remembers…

A long time ago…

When her life had a purpose…

And his love set her aglow…

Giving her the courage…

To be free within herself…

To lose all her inhibitions…

Leave her fears on the shelf…

But she sat and she watched…

As his life ebbed away…

Feeling so damn helpless…

Each and every cruel day…

Nothing she could do…

Could stop his cancerous pain…

It was out of her hands…

She was not to blame…

But now she sits all alone…

Not knowing how to move on…

She’s caught in his shadow…

He was her “Sine Qua Non”…

~

“If your asking me, I say no surrender”…

Posted by eyewillnotcry1973 on

photo(8)

~

He lives in a world…
Of his own creation…
So brave and so fearless…
And without hesitation…
Walking tall and proud…
Just embracing life…
Growing stronger each day…
Never thinking twice…
Viewing everything…
Through different eyes…
Young, pure and innocent…
Not tainted by lies…
Living in a bubble…
Of total protection…
Each day an education…
And full of reflection…
Where the stresses and strains…
Of this cruel Earth…
Have remained out of sight…
Since his day of birth…

~

photo(9)

~

He never ever worries…
About what is to come…
Living life in the moment…
Basking in the warm sun…
Whilst laughing and joking…
Ignoring all the rules…
But knowing right from wrong…
And not suffering fools…
Never surrendering…
To any negative thoughts…
Or seeing the bigger picture…
Of what lies before…
The mistakes he will make…
When following the crowd…
And when circumstances…
Don’t make him proud…
But he will live his life…
And do it his own way…
Filling me with pride…
Each and every day…

~

“I will let you down, I will make you hurt”…

Posted by eyewillnotcry1973 on

anger2747499-26qabvo-300x225

~

He never really knew you…
Only knew your name…
It made him feel so sick…
And he carried so much shame…

Deep within his heart…
And so far down inside…
Now that you are gone…
He’s glad that you have died…
 
It removed any doubt…
Or the slightest possibility…
Of ever running into you…
Or him ever having to see…

You with his own eyes…
And talk uncomfortably…
In front of a total stranger…
Behind a mask of bravery…
 
And speak such hollow words…
That would really mean fuck all…
Such feeble conversation…
Where worthless words would fall…

He buried you a long time ago…
Deep within his memory…
Pretended that you didn’t exist…
A ghost no other could see…
 
He moved on with the task in hand…
Of growing up alone…
In another time and place…
And somewhere he renamed home…

Where you did not belong…
And he really did not care…
You were already dead to him…
And a secret he could not share…
 
Because he never really knew you…
And you never took the time…
To even so much as contact him…
And ask if he was fine…

But now he’s all alone…
With doubts, but without you…
Fucking life up his own way…
But somehow he’ll get through…

~

“Don’t think, Don’t worry, Everything’s just fine”…

Posted by eyewillnotcry1973 on

numb-2-blood-man

~

He doesn’t know what…
What you want him to say…

Doesn’t even know…
How he is feeling today…

He doesn’t even know…
What or how to feel…

Yet you ask him to talk…
Ask him to reveal…

You ask him what…
What it is he is thinking…

But his mind is numb…
And his heart is sinking…

All of his life…
He’s kept his emotions at bay…

Don’t you see how easy it is…
Just to lock them away…

If he let them loose…
He would be terrified…

So he keeps them near…
It’s how he’s survived…

It doesn’t mean…
That he’s not keeping you close…

You are the person…
He is needing the most…

Sometimes he needs to be alone…
Open your eyes and see…

Somedays it’s not you…
It’s simply all he can be…

And he has to get through this…
But be true to himself…

So he is leaving the demons…
High on the shelf…

In his dreams they still haunt…
They will always replay…

But it’s a battle he will face…
Some other fucking day…

So please understand…
He can’t do what you do…

He does things his way…
It’s how he gets through…

It’s got him this far…
He’s got to go with his gut…

So the doors are all closed…
And all the windows are shut…

Today it is Black…
Tomorrow may be too…

But no matter what…
Remember he loves only you…

~