“I have become, comfortably numb”…

ang

~

Here he lies sleeping…
Deep underground…

The grass has grown over…
No trace can be found…

Just a simple plot…
With memories and flowers…

So peaceful and so quiet…
I could sit here for hours…

A place that’s so detached…
In a field full of pain…

My mind floods with memories…
Under a sky filled with rain…

Refusing to let emotions show…
Keeping tears locked away inside…

It’s the way he brought me up…
Even now I can’t cry…

It’s all floating around in there…
Yet I keep it all closed…

If I open the box…
I’ll feel so vulnerable, so exposed…

That’s just not an option…
So it’s a choice I have made…

And along with all the others…
Grieving will be forever delayed…

Perhaps this is my weakness…
A sign that I’m not strong…

But don’t lay there and judge me…
Don’t tell me this is wrong…

It doesn’t mean I don’t think about you…
Or what you mean to me…

Maybe one day I’ll resolve this…
Perhaps then I’ll be set free…

Until then you can sleep…
Your body covered in dirt…

Becoming at one with the Earth…
And at peace from all your hurt…

~

“Don’t think, Don’t worry, Everything’s just fine”…

numb-2-blood-man

~

He doesn’t know what…
What you want him to say…

Doesn’t even know…
How he is feeling today…

He doesn’t even know…
What or how to feel…

Yet you ask him to talk…
Ask him to reveal…

You ask him what…
What it is he is thinking…

But his mind is numb…
And his heart is sinking…

All of his life…
He’s kept his emotions at bay…

Don’t you see how easy it is…
Just to lock them away…

If he let them loose…
He would be terrified…

So he keeps them near…
It’s how he’s survived…

It doesn’t mean…
That he’s not keeping you close…

You are the person…
He is needing the most…

Sometimes he needs to be alone…
Open your eyes and see…

Somedays it’s not you…
It’s simply all he can be…

And he has to get through this…
But be true to himself…

So he is leaving the demons…
High on the shelf…

In his dreams they still haunt…
They will always replay…

But it’s a battle he will face…
Some other fucking day…

So please understand…
He can’t do what you do…

He does things his way…
It’s how he gets through…

It’s got him this far…
He’s got to go with his gut…

So the doors are all closed…
And all the windows are shut…

Today it is Black…
Tomorrow may be too…

But no matter what…
Remember he loves only you…

~

 

“Running from the dark, look what you have done”…

Shame-3

~

He’s just a little boy…
Lost in a big man’s world…

Drowning in the quicksand…
And not doing as he’s told…

Breaking all the rules…
Not towing the line…

Making weak excuses…
Pretending that he’s “FINE”…

Hurting all his loved ones…
Even if they don’t know…

As he tries to put on…
The most convincing of shows…

Using smoke and mirrors…
To distract and to distort…

Whilst living a sinful lie…
And not doing what he ought…

Not being the man…
They all expect him to be…

Not living the life…
They think that they see…

As he uses his charm…
And deflects any doubts…

It’s his secret weapon…
Only he knows about…

And uses it to dazzle…
Blinding all the eyes…

That may see through him…
And rip off his disguise…

That he hides behind…
Every minute of each day…

Nodding in the right places…
Pretending to care what they say…

When inside he isn’t listening…
He switched off long ago…

Only looking for distraction…
And going with the flow…

Now he keeps on running…
As fast as he possibly can…

One day they might catch him…
And force the boy to become a man…

~

 

“I can’t smile without you”…

d-2974

~

She sits all alone…

Remembering the days…

When she felt so safe…

Under his watchful gaze…

Locked in his arms…

Her knight and protector…

He was the only one…

Who made her life better…

And helped her make sense…

Of the world she lived in…

When she wanted to give up…

His words were “keep fighting“…

But since he left her…

It’s been hard to carry on…

Life feels so worthless…

And everything feels so wrong…

With eyes clouded by tears…

That leave their daily mark…

They flow down her face…

Extinguishing any spark…

Of the woman she remembers…

A long time ago…

When her life had a purpose…

And his love set her aglow…

Giving her the courage…

To be free within herself…

To lose all her inhibitions…

Leave her fears on the shelf…

But she sat and she watched…

As his life ebbed away…

Feeling so damn helpless…

Each and every cruel day…

Nothing she could do…

Could stop his cancerous pain…

It was out of her hands…

She was not to blame…

But now she sits all alone…

Not knowing how to move on…

She’s caught in his shadow…

He was her “Sine Qua Non”

~

“If your asking me, I say no surrender”…

photo(8)

~

He lives in a world…
Of his own creation…
So brave and so fearless…
And without hesitation…
Walking tall and proud…
Just embracing life…
Growing stronger each day…
Never thinking twice…
Viewing everything…
Through different eyes…
Young, pure and innocent…
Not tainted by lies…
Living in a bubble…
Of total protection…
Each day an education…
And full of reflection…
Where the stresses and strains…
Of this cruel Earth…
Have remained out of sight…
Since his day of birth…

~

photo(9)

~

He never ever worries…
About what is to come…
Living life in the moment…
Basking in the warm sun…
Whilst laughing and joking…
Ignoring all the rules…
But knowing right from wrong…
And not suffering fools…
Never surrendering…
To any negative thoughts…
Or seeing the bigger picture…
Of what lies before…
The mistakes he will make…
When following the crowd…
And when circumstances…
Don’t make him proud…
But he will live his life…
And do it his own way…
Filling me with pride…
Each and every day…

~

“I will let you down, I will make you hurt”…

anger2747499-26qabvo-300x225

~

He never really knew you…
Only knew your name…
It made him feel so sick…
And he carried so much shame…

Deep within his heart…
And so far down inside…
Now that you are gone…
He’s glad that you have died…
 
It removed any doubt…
Or the slightest possibility…
Of ever running into you…
Or him ever having to see…

You with his own eyes…
And talk uncomfortably…
In front of a total stranger…
Behind a mask of bravery…
 
And speak such hollow words…
That would really mean fuck all…
Such feeble conversation…
Where worthless words would fall…

He buried you a long time ago…
Deep within his memory…
Pretended that you didn’t exist…
A ghost no other could see…
 
He moved on with the task in hand…
Of growing up alone…
In another time and place…
And somewhere he renamed home…

Where you did not belong…
And he really did not care…
You were already dead to him…
And a secret he could not share…
 
Because he never really knew you…
And you never took the time…
To even so much as contact him…
And ask if he was fine…

But now he’s all alone…
With doubts, but without you…
Fucking life up his own way…
But somehow he’ll get through…

~

“Don’t think, Don’t worry, Everything’s just fine”…

numb-2-blood-man

~

He doesn’t know what…
What you want him to say…

Doesn’t even know…
How he is feeling today…

He doesn’t even know…
What or how to feel…

Yet you ask him to talk…
Ask him to reveal…

You ask him what…
What it is he is thinking…

But his mind is numb…
And his heart is sinking…

All of his life…
He’s kept his emotions at bay…

Don’t you see how easy it is…
Just to lock them away…

If he let them loose…
He would be terrified…

So he keeps them near…
It’s how he’s survived…

It doesn’t mean…
That he’s not keeping you close…

You are the person…
He is needing the most…

Sometimes he needs to be alone…
Open your eyes and see…

Somedays it’s not you…
It’s simply all he can be…

And he has to get through this…
But be true to himself…

So he is leaving the demons…
High on the shelf…

In his dreams they still haunt…
They will always replay…

But it’s a battle he will face…
Some other fucking day…

So please understand…
He can’t do what you do…

He does things his way…
It’s how he gets through…

It’s got him this far…
He’s got to go with his gut…

So the doors are all closed…
And all the windows are shut…

Today it is Black…
Tomorrow may be too…

But no matter what…
Remember he loves only you…

~

 

“When all are one and one is all”…

stock-footage-hd-looking-into-the-blackness-of-an-above-ground-outdoor-drain-pipe-at-the-beautiful-tranquil

~

There was nothing to see…
When he fell fast asleep…
No light and no tunnel…
No angels that weep…
When he closed his eyes…
And his heart stopped beating…
There was just darkness…
No one there to greet him…

No sign of St Peter…
No big pearly gates…
Was he really dead…
Was this all that lie in wait…
No Heaven to enter…
Just this Black Hell…
He wanted to scream…
He wanted to yell…

And return to the living…
Regain his ordinary life…
On the cold cruel Earth…
Back to his faithful wife…
Who grieved down below…
Hoping to see him again…
When it was her time…
To gracefully ascend…

But now he realised…
Never again would they meet…
They were parted for good…
His love now obsolete…
And as he floated in darkness…
His mind in total torment…
What was left of his soul…
Began to quietly lament…

As for time immemorial…
He was now alone…
Just his mental ability…
To wander this Twilight Zone…
For there was nothing to see…
When he fell fast asleep…
No light and no tunnel…
And no angels that weep…

~

“Running from the dark, look what you have done”…

Shame-3

~

He’s just a little boy…
Lost in a big man’s world…

Drowning in the quicksand…
And not doing as he’s told…

Breaking all the rules…
Not towing the line…

Making weak excuses…
Pretending that he’s “FINE”…

Hurting all his loved ones…
Even if they don’t know…

As he tries to put on…
The most convincing of shows…

Using smoke and mirrors…
To distract and to distort…

Whilst living a sinful lie…
And not doing what he ought…

Not being the man…
They all expect him to be…

Not living the life…
They think that they see…

As he uses his charm…
And deflects any doubts…

It’s his secret weapon…
Only he knows about…

And uses it to dazzle…
Blinding all the eyes…

That may see through him…
And rip off his disguise…

That he hides behind…
Every minute of each day…

Nodding in the right places…
Pretending to care what they say…

When inside he isn’t listening…
He switched off long ago…

Only looking for distraction…
And going with the flow…

Now he keeps on running…
As fast as he possibly can…

One day they might catch him…
And this boy may become a man…

~

 

Neil Finn – “Dizzy Heights” – A (distorted) review…

images

So, I was asked recently about my affection for Neil Finn and his music. “Why? What is it about him?” – I shrugged my shoulders and said I wasn’t overly sure.

Truth is though, I lied. I do know exactly what it is about Neil Finn and it’s kept me with him for over 20 years.

It is multi-faceted and not something easily explainable, but deep down, I know.

His voice, his melody’s, his lyrics, his energy, his banter on stage, his wit (Which can be seen in the next 2 brilliant clips), his sincerity, I could go on.

His songs give me comfort, they bring me joy.

At live gigs, time stands still and I lose myself there. Immersed. I connect. I have a connection.

It’s all I ask from any artist, but with Neil Finn, solo or other, I connect deep.

Now, the thing is… Neil Finn’s songs just do not lend themselves for instant reviews. They never have and I doubt they ever will.

Even the more immediate tunes that grab you have a subtle tendency to reveal something new and fresh after more than a few listens – sometimes after more than a few years. I am aware of that, but I wanted to say something about “Dizzy Heights”, his new solo offering.

So, I figured I would leave it a while and then get my thoughts down – but however I tried, what I wrote was neither objective nor really a review.

And as a self-confessed diehard fan, my view of “Dizzy Heights” is already distorted because I love the man and accept that for every song I love, there will be a few that miss the target and you know what, I even find things I like in those.

With that in mind, I stopped writing a review and decided to see where the songs would take my mind. I have been using a lot of Finn’s music as soundtracks and inspiration to my words for a long time now, so between poetry, a gig review and a late night emotional rant, I have managed to use all bar one song on “Dizzy Heights”. The links to these are below.

Now, as an aside and before you click the links,  there are only a few people I speak to that even know who he is, let alone his music that has endured for the best part of 30 years.

Neil Finn is a singer / songwriter from New Zealand and via Split Enz, Crowded House, Finn Brothers and Pajama Club – alongside other projects such as the collaborative Seven worlds collide – you will know a lot of his songs, you may just not realise it was him.

Never did a tag line “You know more Crowded House songs that you think you do” really and truly describe a best of CD. It was spot on and Recurring Dream (The original best of CD) was pretty much catapulted to the top of the UK charts on the back of that piece of clever marketing. Crowded House was / is Neil’s main musical vehicle, but despite recording a few tracks for the next CD, the band are on hold for a while.

In the meantime, Finn has been active working on “Dizzy Heights”, his 3rd solo offering behind “Try Whistling This” and “One Nil” (not including One All for this)

However, Neil’s last release was neither solo nor Crowded House, it was a collaboration with his wife Sharon and a guy called Sean Donnelly on the LO-FI project “Pajama Club”.

It was a fusion of drum and bass with electronica added on top. The songs were not the classic sound fans were used to, from either the song writing, to the texture or to the sound.

Hooks and melody were replaced by a driving, thumping soundtrack that did it’s best to be everything Crowded House wasn’t.

Yet, that wasn’t a bad thing and it spawned a few tracks that were pretty damn good by any standards. “From a Friend to a Friend”, “Deadleg”, “Diamonds in her Eyes” and “Golden Child” may have had a different “Finn” sound that split the fans, but were more than worthy additions to the Finn back catalogue.

And it’s clear that “Dizzy Heights” is a continuation of sorts from this CD – more evolution than revolution – where the songs on Pajama Club had the feel that they really were contrived in the Finn living room over a few bottles of wine – “Dizzy Heights” goes that next step.

With the rest of the family on the CD, Wife Sharon and sons Liam and Elroy, Neil has managed to put together a remarkable CD with the help of producer David Fridmann. Lush string arrangements and weird electronic twists compliment the vocals all the way through the CD and my word, they certainly add an amazing dimension to the sound.

The songs themselves feel more in the mould that the fan base is used to. Sparse lyrics on Pajama Club replaced by something more substantial, whichever way Neil has constructed and found them.

Now, fans have already been treated to stripped back versions of a few songs on this CD. Webcasts and showcases with Victoria Kelly and a string section have featured just Neil on piano and some percussion joining in to create some stunning, heartfelt and wonderful versions of the songs.

However, Neil had warned people that the final songs would be different and he is of course correct – from my listening perspective, it’s on a win most, lose a couple basis, but it continues to unfold with each listen.

So, in running order, please click the link to hear the songs and read my words. Some of the poetry is dark, as is my natural way – check out this link –  and if you are interested, there is plenty more Split Enz, Crowded House, Pajama Club and solo songs within the blog, so feel free to have a look around.

Impressions: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2014/02/12/this-disguise-fooling-no-one/

Dizzy Heights: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2013/11/18/smoke-drifting-up-to-the-dizzy-heights/

Flying in the face of Love: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2013/11/16/flying-in-the-face-of-love/

Divebomber: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/and-theres-only-one-way-down/

Better than TV: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2014/04/06/at-the-end-of-the-world-its-just-you-and-me/

Pony Ride: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2014/03/25/he-only-wants-to-get-you-out-of-your-mind/

White Lies and Alibies: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2014/03/18/holding-on-to-nothing-sacred/

Recluse: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2014/02/26/i-just-want-to-be-alone/

Strangest Friends: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2014/03/22/and-they-take-your-souls-away/

In my Blood: https://eyewillnotcry.wordpress.com/2013/12/01/how-i-wish-that-i-could-do-this-again/

Finally, the only song that I didn’t touch was “Lights of New York” and it can be found below.

I hope you enjoy!

Cheers