“And now she’s in me, always with me”…

dance_in_the_shutter_IX_by_mehmeturgut

~

He’s no longer sure…
If he liked you that much…

He no longer craves…
The warmth of your touch…

The spark has died…
And there is little else left…

What once existed…
Has been laid to rest…

Leaving you a stranger…
No longer part of his dreams…

Like a bit part actress…
That’s seldom on screen…

And stood on the outside…
You’re now looking in…

Wondering how this happened…
Much to your chagrin…

As there was a time…
When he worshiped you…

He believed your lies…
Prayed they were true…

And connected so deep…
You shook his very soul…

Sending his moral compass…
Spinning out of control…

He became your puppet…
The mistress’s servant…

He’d do anything for you…
Even if you didn’t deserve it…

But you turned on him…
Like a vampire craving blood…

You drained his emotions…
Whilst feasting on the flood…

Leaving him searching…
For the sanctuary of shadows…

A hole in the darkness…
Where only he knows…

A place he could think…
Allow his mind to clearly see…

And it granted him freedom…
From your constant misery…

~

“They say I’m mental, but I’ve been abused”…

door

~

He walked up the steps…
And stumbled inside…

Into the room at the top…
Where the memory resides…

Of his pure innocence…
Cruelly ripped away…

On a dark summer night…
After a long hot day…

It’d started so brightly…
Filled with endless love…

No hint of the evil…
Descending from above…

In that room as he slept…
And was quietly woken…

Subjected to such horrors…
That left him just broken…

Unable to speak…
And unable to smile…

It scarred him forever…
His soul in exile…

Never spoken about since…
Kept in secret & silence…

In fear that speaking out…
May lead to violence…

So it was locked away…
In a box labelled shame…

Forgetting the horror…
Never speaking its name…

Moving on with his life…
Smoothing out its creases…

Trying to live with it…
And pick up the pieces…

But now he is back…
After all those years…

Stood in that room…
Holding back the tears…

With a knife in his hand…
It’s time to submit…

Switch off his pain…
And finally end it…

~

“I’ve looked at life, from both sides now”…

double_life_by_siudajSTEJ

~

She’s been to dark places…
Where the sun never shines…

And the sky is covered over…
By the blackness in her mind…

She’s enjoyed evil thoughts…
Matched by her actions…

She’s hurt those around…
Whilst seeking some distraction…

She’s a version of another…
The person no one else sees…

Like a stealthy secret agent…
A double life she leads…

Taking risks with her life…
Gently loving, yet deceiving…

In the search of something…
To keep her believing…

That there is more to life…
That a truth will be found…

To assist her find the peace…
So she can sleep sound…

And switch off the visions…
That race through her head…

And mute all the voices…
Wishing she’d not said…

Words of bitter cruelty…
The words of pure hate…

Words she can’t take back…
And that didn’t translate…

Into how she’s feeling…
Because she can’t articulate…

The pain that surrounds her…
She fears it’s much too late…

To resolve this situation…
Or ever reclaim her soul…

That’s inked with her crimes…
Now out of all control…

As she sits in dark places…
Where the sun never shines…

And the sky is covered over…
By the black clouds in her mind…

~

“I have become, comfortably numb”…

ang

~

Here he lies sleeping…
Deep underground…

The grass has grown over…
No trace can be found…

Just a simple plot…
With memories and flowers…

So peaceful and so quiet…
I could sit here for hours…

A place that’s so detached…
In a field full of pain…

My mind floods with memories…
Under a sky filled with rain…

Refusing to let emotions show…
Keeping tears locked away inside…

It’s the way he brought me up…
Even now I can’t cry…

It’s all floating around in there…
Yet I keep it all closed…

If I open the box…
I’ll feel so vulnerable, so exposed…

That’s just not an option…
So it’s a choice I have made…

And along with all the others…
Grieving will be forever delayed…

Perhaps this is my weakness…
A sign that I’m not strong…

But don’t lay there and judge me…
Don’t tell me this is wrong…

It doesn’t mean I don’t think about you…
Or what you mean to me…

Maybe one day I’ll resolve this…
Perhaps then I’ll be set free…

Until then you can sleep…
Your body covered in dirt…

Becoming at one with the Earth…
And at peace from all your hurt…

~

“And they take your souls away”…

hypnotized-heads

~

They follow him…

Like he’s a God…

Yet he treats them all…

Like his pet dogs…

Abusing his power…

And his position…

Spreading his lies…

Preaching with poison…

He preys on the weak…

The lost and the damned…

To those who are drowning…

He offers out his hand…

As they bow down…

Fall to their knees…

And do anything…

So eager to please…

The one they follow…

And they all adore…

He gives them shelter…

If they abide by his laws…

But they fail to see…

The darkness within…

He’s mentally instable…

Where did this begin…

How did this happen…

What do they see…

In a confused world…

Run by his insanity…

Where he kills for fun…

Offering up sacrifice…

Any of his flock…

Who have no price…

They have no value…

In his warped eyes…

Just his play things…

Under the disguise…

Of being his disciples…

The special chosen ones…

Who stand before him…

With no urge to run…

Because they follow him…

And amidst all their strife…

It’s their humble privilege…

To give him their life…

~

“Don’t think, Don’t worry, Everything’s just fine”…

numb-2-blood-man

~

He doesn’t know what…
What you want him to say…

Doesn’t even know…
How he is feeling today…

He doesn’t even know…
What or how to feel…

Yet you ask him to talk…
Ask him to reveal…

You ask him what…
What it is he is thinking…

But his mind is numb…
And his heart is sinking…

All of his life…
He’s kept his emotions at bay…

Don’t you see how easy it is…
Just to lock them away…

If he let them loose…
He would be terrified…

So he keeps them near…
It’s how he’s survived…

It doesn’t mean…
That he’s not keeping you close…

You are the person…
He is needing the most…

Sometimes he needs to be alone…
Open your eyes and see…

Somedays it’s not you…
It’s simply all he can be…

And he has to get through this…
But be true to himself…

So he is leaving the demons…
High on the shelf…

In his dreams they still haunt…
They will always replay…

But it’s a battle he will face…
Some other fucking day…

So please understand…
He can’t do what you do…

He does things his way…
It’s how he gets through…

It’s got him this far…
He’s got to go with his gut…

So the doors are all closed…
And all the windows are shut…

Today it is Black…
Tomorrow may be too…

But no matter what…
Remember he loves only you…

~

 

“Somebody said dignity was the last to leave”…

eye

~

His eyes are stale and lifeless…
Sitting alone in his chair…

Struggling to recall the time…
He could do more than just stare…

His mind is so much older…
Time has ravaged his thoughts…

Destroying all his memories…
Forgetting all he was taught…

It’s a struggle for him to speak…
To even find any words…

His sentences get cut adrift…
Distracted by the passing birds…

Hands that were once weapons…
Now hang sadly at his side…

He cannot even stand alone…
They’ve stripped him of all pride…

It used to be so different…
For this bright and intelligent man…

He had everything he wanted…
The master of his own life plan…

Yet it was all taken so quickly…
They took his wife, then child…

Left him broken and shattered…
Even then he remained so mild…

Dignified and so defiant…
In the face of all that pain…

But when they came back for him…
The Gods attacked his brain…

It was the only way to beat him…
To take his remaining sanity…

Now he sits silently before them…
Yet refuses to go on bended knee…

He remains a total gentleman…
A credit to the Human race…

They have done their worst to him…
Yet kindness still radiates from his face…

And his story is nearly over…
But one day it should be told…

Bad things happen to good people…
And nothing can ever be foretold…

Nothing should be taken for granted…
Because in just a single stroke…

Everything can be changed…
And sadness replaces the joke…

His eyes are stale and lifeless…
Sitting alone in his chair…

His family do not have the time…
Does anyone really care…

~

“Am I being a good boy, am I your pride and joy”…

igjkj

~

She’s been dead eight years…
But walks with him each day…

And as he closes his eyes…
He remembers her little ways…

The look she would give…
When she wasn’t impressed…

The things she would do…
To keep his soul oppressed…

Never providing any support…
Or praise when things went right…

Not showing an ounce of love…
It felt like a constant fight…

To gain any of her approval…
That would make him feel secure…

She was always so damn negative…
And it seemed she would ensure…

That he never felt positive…
By projecting her own misery…

Taking the fun out of his life…
If she wasn’t happy, neither was he…

And in her last few days…
She could be so scathing…

So when she finally passed…
He felt so free, so amazing…

Like a weight had been lifted…
Given the chance to escape…

But it didn’t last for long…
As his feelings turned to hate…

When she kept on appearing…
Her bitter voice in his head…

Haunting from the grave…
The ongoing legacy of the dead…

As she’s been dead eight years…
But when he closes his eyes…

She is stood there before him…
Using words to abuse and criticise…

Casting a constant shadow…
On all that he achieves…

And this ongoing mental battle…
Is slowly forcing him to his knees…

~

“Running from the dark, look what you have done”…

Shame-3

~

He’s just a little boy…
Lost in a big man’s world…

Drowning in the quicksand…
And not doing as he’s told…

Breaking all the rules…
Not towing the line…

Making weak excuses…
Pretending that he’s “FINE”…

Hurting all his loved ones…
Even if they don’t know…

As he tries to put on…
The most convincing of shows…

Using smoke and mirrors…
To distract and to distort…

Whilst living a sinful lie…
And not doing what he ought…

Not being the man…
They all expect him to be…

Not living the life…
They think that they see…

As he uses his charm…
And deflects any doubts…

It’s his secret weapon…
Only he knows about…

And uses it to dazzle…
Blinding all the eyes…

That may see through him…
And rip off his disguise…

That he hides behind…
Every minute of each day…

Nodding in the right places…
Pretending to care what they say…

When inside he isn’t listening…
He switched off long ago…

Only looking for distraction…
And going with the flow…

Now he keeps on running…
As fast as he possibly can…

One day they might catch him…
And force the boy to become a man…

~

 

“Talking with my brother, when the lights went out”…

neptune

~

I don’t think about him…

Every single day…

Since Neptune came…

And took him away…

Filling his lungs…

In that watery grave…

It happened so fast…

With no chance to save…

A life extinguished…

In the blink of an eye…

A grieving family…

Left simply asking why…

Why was he chosen…

Out of everyone…

What was the reason…

Just what had he done…

For the beautiful mermaids…

To refuse him assistance…

And hiding their eyes…

As he fought for existence…

Only Eleven years old…

With an innocent smile…

No hint of corruption…

Just a happy child…

Who loved his life…

And all that it brought…

Yet the Gods wanted him…

No matter how we fought…

But in the midst of it all…

Trauma hit my head…

Not really understanding…

He really was dead…

But by learning to lock…

The painful memories away…

Dividing into little boxes…

To be faced, maybe one day…

Then perhaps that event…

Shaped who I really am…

A boy forever trapped…

Within the emotionless man…

Who doesn’t think about things…

In the way others do…

As it’s painful to remember…

The little boy who turned blue…

~