“A flowing river of illusion, running with confusion”…

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Messages mixed and muddy…
Barbed, sharp and bloody…

With tiny poisoned arrows…
Hiding deep dark sorrows…

With jet Black undertones…
Weighed down by a Thousand stones…
Whilst sat on moral high ground thrones…

Fired from upon high…
Into the cold night sky…
Aimed right between the eyes…

Words to provoke a reaction…
A fire burning for interaction…

And a fight…
Right here, right now, tonight…

Sprinkled with unwritten meanings…
Laced with unspoken feelings…

Intent hiding within the context…
Like some perverse contest…

Turned from words of excitement…
Into crushing, soul sapping disappointment…

Forming pools of simmering anger…
And double edged words of danger…
Speaking the language of a stranger…

Getting lost in translation…
But a verbal form of castration…
And a blunt accusation…

Pointing the finger…
Outlining the sinner…

And the deeds…
That grew from forbidden seeds…
But no one else sees…

Except the one…
Now holding the gun…

Firing bullets that wound…
With a hate that consumed…
And an ignorance that presumed…

The worst…
In spite of the curse…
Not asking first…

Just verbal violence…
That brings on a need for silence…
And dreams of a desert island…

With pure isolation…
A chance to avoid confrontation…
And certain mental disintegration…

Whilst stripping out all courage…
And leaving just the wreckage…
All caused by the secret message…

~

“A flowing river of illusion, running with confusion”…

article-1362600-0D7312FF000005DC-992_634x423

~

Messages mixed and muddy…
Barbed, sharp and bloody…

With tiny poisoned arrows…
Hiding deep dark sorrows…

With jet Black undertones…
Weighed down by a Thousand stones…
Whilst sat on moral high ground thrones…

Fired from upon high…
Into the cold night sky…
Aimed right between the eyes…

Words to provoke a reaction…
A fire burning for interaction…

And a fight…
Right here, right now, tonight…

Sprinkled with unwritten meanings…
Laced with unspoken feelings…

Intent hiding within the context…
Like some perverse contest…

Turned from words of excitement…
Into crushing, soul sapping disappointment…

Forming pools of simmering anger…
And double edged words of danger…
Speaking the language of a stranger…

Getting lost in translation…
But a verbal form of castration…
And a blunt accusation…

Pointing the finger…
Outlining the sinner…

And the deeds…
That grew from forbidden seeds…
But no one else sees…

Except the one…
Now holding the gun…

Firing bullets that wound…
With a hate that consumed…
And an ignorance that presumed…

The worst…
In spite of the curse…
Not asking first…

Just verbal violence…
That brings on a need for silence…
And dreams of a desert island…

With pure isolation…
A chance to avoid confrontation…
And certain mental disintegration…

Whilst stripping out all courage…
And leaving just the wreckage…
All caused by the secret message…

~

“We may lose and we may win”…

~

So, in the midst of a busy week that has thrown up more questions than answers on a personal matter, this blog was nominated for an award. Nominated twice actually, which really made me smile and was quite humbling.

It is not the first time; you may remember that previously, the lovely Nina from http://wordsthatflowlikewater.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/inspiring-the-very-inspiring-blogger-award/  Nominated this blog for the “Very Inspiring Blog” award – which was really nice of her.

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This achievement has now been followed up by both Richard from http://richardankerswrites.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/ and Christine from http://crissyb315.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/ nominating this blog for the “Versatile blogger award”.  Which again, is really nice and I am truly humbled.

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Both these awards come with things that need to be done and I have to admit, I am pretty poor at these – however, the fact that these awards come from wordpress peers does mean a lot and whilst I have little of interest about myself to do any sort of list, I do feel the need to spread the word of others blogs.

The below are 10 blogs that I read and follow – and I would encourage you to try them out for size – these are just a snapshot as I follow a huge amount – so if your blog isn’t below, it is not reflection on you – more an opportunity.

Please leave a comment and let people know where they can find you – this could be an opportunity for all of us to build up our wordpress base? Not sure if this will even work, but don’t be shy – we all want to be read – even if we do not think what we produce is worth reading!

So, here is a snapshot in addition to the 3 above and in no order:

http://stevehi312.wordpress.com/

http://helenvalentina.com/

http://shakeyourtailfeathers.wordpress.com/

http://busymindthinking.com/

http://kwicksand.wordpress.com/

http://apurvakj.wordpress.com/

http://sagedoyle.wordpress.com/

http://thedrugstorenotebook.co/

http://randomblurting.wordpress.com

https://morganlefaysblog.wordpress.com/

So, a song to leave this ramble – I watched an Eagles documentary last night and really enjoyed it, so have a few tunes floating round in my head – this one is a message for the weekend – “Take it easy” – no more words needed – well, unless you wish to comment!

Enjoy

“It is as it is” – For Cancer Research…

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Well…

Not quite sure what to say, but the paperback version of this book of poems is ready to buy earlier than planned! If you click the picture it should take you through to the lulu webpage.

It’s taken a while from concept to delivery, some road humps along the way, but it is not too bad for a first attempt.

All profit from this project will be collated over the next 12 months and donated to Cancer Research.

For your information, the cost to make each book is £4.10, so each purchase will mean a donation of £5.89. I will keep a running total on a fixed page somewhere so you can keep track if you are interested.

A hardback version will follow, but the cost price on that is huge, so I am not sure if there will be much in the way of selling / donations. Time will tell.

When I started this blog, I did it in secret and for the most part, I still do. I wrote and continue to write for therapy under servere pressure, trying to hold my head and my sanity together whilst the world around me fell apart. Watching my Father slip away crowned an amazing 15 month period in my life that couldn’t have been written by the best script writers.

But I am still here, still trying to get through life like we all do – It’s fair to say I have been on the ropes, but not knocked out…

I appreciate that many of you have read my words and have been subjected to my torrid last few months – for that I apologise and thank you in equal measure. Most of you are faceless to me, but you all have a talent in writing and reading others work inspires me to do better and look at my own work through a different lens.

I have had help and encouragement from offline too and they know who they are – so thank you!!

I hope that you are able to donate to this cause, but if not, the poems remain on the site and who knows, a volume 2 may evolve– so thanks again for reading and enjoy.

Cheers

J

“I’ll be rising high above the Earth so soon”…

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His game of life is at an end…
Time to walk into the light…
He prays they’ll permit him to ascend…
But something doesn’t feel right…

His head is hit with trauma…
Built up throughout the years…
An explosion of pure Karma…
Payback for all the tears…

For all the times he schemed…
And each occasion he betrayed…
For every heart that got seduced…
These encounters now being replayed…

There were those who gave themselves gladly…
And those who put up a fight…
Either way, it always ended badly…
No rescue or salvation in sight…

He crushed all of their hopes…
Stole all their childhood dreams…
And as he bound them up with rope…
He smothered their desperate screams…

Each life that he would take…
In the Moons glow, he’d use his knife…
Stab them whilst awake…
Then watch them beg and plead for life…

Now they’re all here waiting…
And they’re so hungry to avenge…
Their hates been incubating…
Now it’s time for their revenge…

As his soul now leaves the body…
His victims can finally attack…
Hell’s fury they embody…
The tunnel of light turns Black…

They drag him down to Hell…
And chain him to the ground…
Then bid him fond farewell…
And make their way Heaven bound…

His game of life has ended…
Eternal damnation now begins…
His sentence forever extended…
Now he’ll pay for all his sins…
~

The Music of my Life (ish)…

As with most people, music has always played a big part of my life. From walking round my parents house listening to my mum playing records as a kid, to finding and refining my own tastes as I have gone along. I was asked recently what songs would be included if a movie of my life was to be made and why would I include these tracks in the soundtrack? It’s an interesting one but not a unique premise – in some respects its quite clichéd…

We have seen host of people take this concept on and done very well with it – thinking of the likes of Nick Hornby – and am sure there are plenty more, plus a hundred thousand that no one reads about. Still, I didn’t dismiss the idea as I thought it may have been good fun to try. Yet the thought of it opens ones self up to many pitfalls and that’s before the music snobbery that people tend to have begins to kick in…

Besides, as someone who can’t sing or play any musical instrument, for me it has always been a case of appreciating others talent rather than pursuing anything musical myself. With that in mind, I do not claim to be an expert in song construction, in the BPM or the compression of tune. I do not claim to know what makes a hit single, what lyrics work or don’t work for the masses and frankly, sometimes I just can’t explain why a song appeals to me – it just does – it may just be a rift that catches my attention or a line that sticks. I can’t be the only one who works in this way…

Upon further reflection, I decided to cheat. I mean, where does one even begin to start – so many moments in life – so many songs to choose – surely it would be easier to simply make a list I said to myself! yeah right! – Even that was easier said than done! So after watering down the initial concept to the most weakest form, I decided to write a short list of a few songs that have both appealed and meant something to me during my life and a small synopsis.

There are many more and you have already seen a few in my previous blogs, so I have not added them – It’s also worth pointing out at this junction that these are in no particular order and some of the reasons may not be strictly true, but if you read between the lines and all that. If you click the song title, then you should be taken to a youtube link – provided that has worked – enjoy…

ELO – Mr Blue Sky:  

“Hey you with the pretty face, Welcome to the human race…”

Perhaps this is a surprise choice of mine, simply because I do not normally gravitate towards upbeat and “happy” tunes. However, the reason for this choice is two fold. Firstly, for years and years, there was a small orchestral piece of music that I had heard at some point in time, but could never place it. Hard to explain, but it kicks in right at the end of this song and is quite possibly the best snippet of orchestral music I know – sad to admit that I am a total ignorant twerp when it comes to this music genre – but the string section is just heartbreaking…

I only tied up the fact that it belonged to this song after I downloaded said song from Itunes. In my excitement of actually working out where the snippet of music actually belonged, I made young Ollie listen to the whole song and that’s the second reason why its in here – Ollie loves it. Whenever he is messing around on my phone, you can bet that the song will appear and he will dance across the room – no matter how many times he does that, it’s still a joy to watch…

New Radicals – You get what you give:

“Don’t give up, You’ve got a reason to live…”

If like me, you are a football fan, then you are honour bound to be superstitious when it comes to your team. No matter the reality of the situation, if you don’t put your socks on the right way in a morning, walk the same route to the ground, eat at the same burger van, buy the match day magazine from the same seller, its always YOUR FAULT if the team loses! This song became our “lucky” song on match days. No matter where we were going, or who Leeds United were playing – if this song didn’t get played, the team would lose. Clearly, when we did play it and the team lost, it was due to not playing it at the right time, or the right place – such is life eh?

Elton John – Love Song

“Love is key we must turn, truth is the flame we must burn, freedom the lesson we must learn – Do you know what I mean – Have your eyes really seen…”

Did I mention that I like lyrics??  Stunning, simply stunning piece of writing by Elton. Wrapped up in an elegant melody, it just sits in the middle of the Tumbleweed Connection quietly waiting to be explored. Initially I had it on an old compilation tape given to me by an old friend. At the time, Elton was not “cool” – I mean was he ever? So in youthful naivety it was a tune I skipped a few times and it was much later before it began to catch my attention. Now I can admire if for what it is, a thing of beauty that will out live me…

*Edit – I later found out that Elton didn’t write this – it was Lesley Duncan!

Barry Manilow – Can’t Smile Without you:

“Who would have believed, That you were part of a dream, Now it all seems light years away…”

My mum would be the first to admit, she can’t hold a tune. it’s a gift that she passed on to me! However, her constant killing of this song would never take away from the fact that it just reminds me of younger, happy and I guess naive days. Sure it stinks of cheese and yeah, its chord change heaven, but if you think this song is pure crap, then think again. The arrangement, the lyrics and that voice just combine to make a perfect storm – Its also a double whammy as when Bazza is singing live, he will whisk up some lucky gal on stage and sing it to her – “PICK ME” I screamed from the top tier of the O2 arena in London the other year, but he didn’t hear me! As underrated and belittled as they come, Manilow’s music has a place in my heart and this tune tops the lot…

Del Amitri – Just Like A Man

“And I had something to tell you, but it doesn’t matter now, I’ll stick to small talk and leave the little bits of flattery to him…”

Summer 1992. Leeds United were Champions of England, it should have been the most perfect time – but nothing in life ever runs perfect. If you needed to write a summer break up song, then just pick up the phone and ring Justin Currie for help. The time, the place will remain quietly in a corner and the names will be changed or not mentioned to protect the innocent. However the song tells you all you want to know and perhaps too much more. Its written from the bottom of a deep dark hole and the words just go round and round and round in your head…

Gordon Lightfoot – If You Could Read My Mind:

“I don’t know where we went wrong, But the feelin’s gone, And I just can’t get it back…”

You may have never heard of Gordon – but you will have heard of this song. Its yet another haunting and beautiful tune, yet another example of understated song crafting at its best. Its one of those songs that you might hear on Steve Wrights Sunday Love songs and never hear again for years. It was another given to me on a compilation cd from an old friend, but this one instantly connected and became the track I went back to time and again. It was a strange time in my life when this song connected with me, for a number of different reasons, but the thoughts and memories make me smile…

Beatles – Girl:

“And she promises the earth to me and I believe her…”

I may be wrong and I am not a huge fan, but in amongst the classic tracks spewed out by the machine that was The Beatles appear a couple of tracks that seem to have slipped out of sight. That’s no bad thing and I guess it means that album tracks like this one from Rubber Soul are there for people to discover quietly rather than been rammed down your throat via commercial radio stations or “best of” cds. For me, this one is all about the delivery of the vocals, charged with a melancholy sexual lament and a dark undertone, its just really glorious…

U2 – One:

“Did I disappoint you, leave a bad taste in your mouth…”

Yeah yeah, its been played so many times, its on everyone’s break up cd and its possibly the most over played U2 “Ballard”. The opening rift is on the TV at every “sad or “tragic” opportunity,  so much so that you are bored of it and you think you know it inside out. So f*cking what, listen again, but with fresh ears. This has to be one of the most amazingly heart wrenching songs ever written. I am no Bono fan, infact, I am no U2 fan, but I bet he wished that he could be cemented in the place he must have been in when he wrote this – as nothing since has come close. Of course, my version has a girl and that seems a long time ago, but this tune has the capacity to transport me back in a heartbeat and thats not always a good thing…

Crowded House – Black and White Boy:

“And you put on a wonderful show, Do you really, really think I don’t know…”

Now come on – you didn’t think there would be a list and no Mr Finn in it ? I could honestly write something for just about every song he has ever written, but I am just throwing this one in there. People often complement me for my positive outlook, or they enjoy my company and the misguided comedy genius that sometimes takes over. However there is always another side that most people don’t see and I am sure that’s the same for anyone. I find that there are not many people in life who take the time to scratch the surface of people. Perhaps they are afraid of what lies beneath. Suffice to say, there is balance in life and Neil Finn hit the nail. There are different theories to who or what this song is about and I think Neil likes that. Make you own mind up…