“Where is the hope, in a world so cold”…

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The invisible girl sits…

As life passes her by….

The impossible girl waits….

And hides behind her eyes…

Wishing someone would notice…

Or give her a sign….

A soul mate accomplice…

Who loves her this time…

As they hurt her before…

Abused in the past…

Her wounds are still sore…

She became a total outcast…

Her confidence wrecked…

Dare not speak a word…

She could no longer connect…

To such a cruel world…

Where is her White knight…

The man of her dreams…

For her, he would fight…

Her faith he’d redeem…

Add warmth to her heart…

And melt all the ice…

Make her feel special…

So pretty and so nice…

But for now she’s alone…

Afraid of what they all think…

Her heart turned to stone…

She escapes with a drink…

At night she can’t sleep…

Dark thoughts make her cry…

Haunting visions so deep…

As she whispers a lullaby…

That takes her away…

Removing the pain…

As this beautiful girl…

Is slowly driven insane…

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“Thought of you as my mountain top, thought of you as my peak”…

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The impossible girl…
With tears in her eyes…
Kept asking the questions…
Who, what and why…
Her mind was so tired…
And her vision was blurred…
Her thoughts were dark…
Her words were slurred…
 
Her anger was visible…
And she needed to attack…
As his pointed words…
Had made her feel Black…
And dragged her down…
To how he was feeling…
From out of the Blue…
He’d left her reeling…
 
Wondering what hit her…
What she must now do…
To repair internal damage…
For her to get through…
So she sat and she watched…
The witches in the park…
Dancing and spell chanting…
All lit up, after dark…
 
Her all seeing eyes…
Watched each and every move…
Bemused by their actions…
But refusing to disapprove…
As it was an awakening…
What she saw brought clarity…
She now knew what to do…
To bring him to his knees…
 
As payback for making…
Her pale Blue eyes turn Red…
So sore and tearstained…
She’ll curse him instead…
And make him wish…
That he’d never spoken…
The cruel and viscous words…
Which left her soul broken…
 
So this impossible girl…
Wiped tears from her eyes…
Stopped asking the question…
Who, what and why…
With her mind now made up…
And her vision crystal clear…
Her thoughts now make sense…
Her words he’ll soon fear…

~

“Sitting at the Doctor, I don’t believe a thing that he says”…

Doctor Who, What and Why…

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So, in the UK there has only been one thing on millions of people’s minds recently and that is who will be the new Doctor Who. I have to admit, I got caught up in it too and not just because young Ollie is obsessed. I love watching the show too and have done since I was a kid.

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Perhaps the BBC made too much out of it this time by announcing the news in a one off special. However I can’t deny the show has a certain charm and manages to keep reinventing itself season after season, year after year. The 50th anniversary is coming up and that’s a heck of a stint for a TV show.

However, it wasn’t the only doctor on my mind recently. As some may recall, or may have read here – the last 18 or so months have been pretty tough for me in one way shape or form.  One of the outputs of this was a suspected stomach ulcer.

So for at least 8 months that’s how they have been treating me, taking tablets and trying to watch what I eat. However around July, things got a tad worse and resulted in my going back to talk to the Doctor. My local Doctor, not Doctor Who sadly.

We agreed that I would need a camera sent into my stomach to check it all out and during quite a traumatic few days last week, I had the procedure done. It was all quite amusing as I chose to be sedated.

The sedative was a low dose apparently and I was told I would be awake at all times – however within seconds of the stuff going in me I was out for the count. I don’t remember a thing. Which is not a bad thing all considered.

So the good news is, well I have no ulcer, no infection and certainly no stomach cancer. Great news, except my symptoms are still on-going and here in lies the issue. Over the last few visits to the Doctor, I have not seen the same one twice.

In fact, I have had a range of people prod, poke and basically guess what’s up with me. It got to the point that I had to agree with Liam Finn who you will hear soon, that I didn’t believe a word that they said. So I googled.

Googling medical issues is the scariest thing in the world. I have to say, the interweb is a wonderful place for all sorts of things, but look at what could be wrong with you and you are essentially a dead man walking. After reading some of the shite on there, I could have every disease known to man.

Note the word “could”. Anyway,  I narrowed it down and took some suggestions to the next Doctor – not the next Doctor Who – and at this point the joke is wearing thin, but come on, I am not even getting to see the gorgeous Amy Pond or the impossibly sexy Clara Oswald.

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At this point, I should be honest and point out that for a long time, I had a secret lust and crush on Amy Pond. However, Clara has since over taken her — to the point that I really only watched the last season because of her. And when she wore tartan in the last episode….well…. too much – OK back to the point.

Now, this bit would be funny if it wasn’t true, but as I was talking to this young version of a Doctor and going through symptoms and what it could be – do you know what he did – in front of me….

He Googled…

OK, so I had bloods taken – all normal and I am going for a scan but the fact remains, I went to a Doctor and the Doctor googled my symptoms. Am I the only one thinking that this is a tad weird – if that’s all you have to do – I am changing jobs!

Anyway, I will keep you posted. It could be that I am fit and fine, but stress is beginning to tell. It remains a strange world that I live and work in, even if it is not as intense as 3 months ago. I am in need of distractions and am away for a week in the USA next week before my next gig.

So, there will be limited rambles on this blog for a while. In the meantime, I leave you with the amazing Liam Finn and “Better to Be”. The more I look around the music scene, the more I scratch my head that Liam is not blazing a trail. His time will most certainly come.

Enjoy

“We may lose and we may win”…

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So, in the midst of a busy week that has thrown up more questions than answers on a personal matter, this blog was nominated for an award. Nominated twice actually, which really made me smile and was quite humbling.

It is not the first time; you may remember that previously, the lovely Nina from http://wordsthatflowlikewater.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/inspiring-the-very-inspiring-blogger-award/  Nominated this blog for the “Very Inspiring Blog” award – which was really nice of her.

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This achievement has now been followed up by both Richard from http://richardankerswrites.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/ and Christine from http://crissyb315.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/ nominating this blog for the “Versatile blogger award”.  Which again, is really nice and I am truly humbled.

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Both these awards come with things that need to be done and I have to admit, I am pretty poor at these – however, the fact that these awards come from wordpress peers does mean a lot and whilst I have little of interest about myself to do any sort of list, I do feel the need to spread the word of others blogs.

The below are 10 blogs that I read and follow – and I would encourage you to try them out for size – these are just a snapshot as I follow a huge amount – so if your blog isn’t below, it is not reflection on you – more an opportunity.

Please leave a comment and let people know where they can find you – this could be an opportunity for all of us to build up our wordpress base? Not sure if this will even work, but don’t be shy – we all want to be read – even if we do not think what we produce is worth reading!

So, here is a snapshot in addition to the 3 above and in no order:

http://stevehi312.wordpress.com/

http://helenvalentina.com/

http://shakeyourtailfeathers.wordpress.com/

http://busymindthinking.com/

http://kwicksand.wordpress.com/

http://apurvakj.wordpress.com/

http://sagedoyle.wordpress.com/

http://thedrugstorenotebook.co/

http://randomblurting.wordpress.com

https://morganlefaysblog.wordpress.com/

So, a song to leave this ramble – I watched an Eagles documentary last night and really enjoyed it, so have a few tunes floating round in my head – this one is a message for the weekend – “Take it easy” – no more words needed – well, unless you wish to comment!

Enjoy

“It is as it is” – For Cancer Research…

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Well…

Not quite sure what to say, but the paperback version of this book of poems is ready to buy earlier than planned! If you click the picture it should take you through to the lulu webpage.

It’s taken a while from concept to delivery, some road humps along the way, but it is not too bad for a first attempt.

All profit from this project will be collated over the next 12 months and donated to Cancer Research.

For your information, the cost to make each book is £4.10, so each purchase will mean a donation of £5.89. I will keep a running total on a fixed page somewhere so you can keep track if you are interested.

A hardback version will follow, but the cost price on that is huge, so I am not sure if there will be much in the way of selling / donations. Time will tell.

When I started this blog, I did it in secret and for the most part, I still do. I wrote and continue to write for therapy under servere pressure, trying to hold my head and my sanity together whilst the world around me fell apart. Watching my Father slip away crowned an amazing 15 month period in my life that couldn’t have been written by the best script writers.

But I am still here, still trying to get through life like we all do – It’s fair to say I have been on the ropes, but not knocked out…

I appreciate that many of you have read my words and have been subjected to my torrid last few months – for that I apologise and thank you in equal measure. Most of you are faceless to me, but you all have a talent in writing and reading others work inspires me to do better and look at my own work through a different lens.

I have had help and encouragement from offline too and they know who they are – so thank you!!

I hope that you are able to donate to this cause, but if not, the poems remain on the site and who knows, a volume 2 may evolve– so thanks again for reading and enjoy.

Cheers

J

“She’s the kind of girl who won’t forgive, but will forget”…

The woman twice dead…
She’s been frozen in time…
Who on Earth is she…
That charming smile, so sublime…
Her face is so kind…
With lips so soft and sweet…
But the moment you give in…
She’ll steal your heartbeat…

She’ll feed on your soul…
And rip you in half…
Poison your mind…
Then sit there and laugh…
Through time and through space…
And the history of mankind…
She’s always been around…
We have just been too blind…

She brought Kings to their knees…
Empires crumbled at her touch…
She’s seen it all before…
From the Japanese to the Dutch…
Too many victims…
So many bloody deaths…
They were too weak to stop her…
She stole their last breath…

So if you should meet her…
Remember this warning…
Don’t follow your heart….
Not this side of the morning…
Don’t be fooled by her looks…
Don’t gaze into her eyes…
For she’s no benevolent spirit…
  She’s a Devil in disguise…