Shutting Down…

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“They” are forcing me…
To shut myself down…

And stop communicating…
From extrovert and clown…

To becoming so silent…
Lost adrift in my head…

No longer expressing…
No vocal words said…

Just sitting in corners…
And waiting to see…

If there is anything left…
Of the man that was me…

It’s like being in a prison…
Silence binds and restricts…

Nobody around to talk to…
My inner thoughts conflict…

It’s so damn frustrating…
The reasons are unclear…

What was the problem…
What did “they” fear…

Sat in pure cold isolation…
It’s all so quietly black…

No answers from the shadows…
There seems no route back…

To standing front and centre…
Speaking to the crowd…

Telling funny stories…
And laughing out aloud…

But that’s a distant memory…
Not the here and not now…

Am trying hard to adjust…
Though not really sure how…

How the fuck did I get here…
How much more can I take…

This is beginning to feel…
Like one huge mistake…

Not sure of my options…
I’m not clear what to do…

And like a sinner in confession…
Trapped thoughts ensue…

I need to find resolution…
Need to find an escape…

To free myself of the darkness…
And transform my landscape…

~

©Eyewillnotcry1973

Inspired by the song “Isolation” by Crowded House

“My conscience plays upon me now”…

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What are we afraid of…
The dead will tell no lies…

Everything we’ve hidden…
All the things that we despise…

Like skeletons in the closet…
Locked away from view…

Each of us has them…
Every year we add a few…

Memories so painful…
Of all the things we did…

Darkest black and secret…
And all we were forbid…

We knew what we were doing…
Had the freedom of choice…

The fruit we ate was bittersweet…
Laced with Satan’s voice…

Now we keep them quiet…
And try hard to forget…

Moments where we came undone…
Actions we now regret…

But memories cannot hurt us…
Unless we let them out…

So keep them locked up tight…
Don’t succumb to inner doubt…

Accept we all have demons…
Not one is beyond reproach…

None of us are flawless…
As we ride in life’s stagecoach…

It’s part of the experience…
And all part of life’s plan…

Temptation comes in many forms…
For either women or a man…

*

But Eye know what you’re afraid of…

Eye see it in your eyes…

Everything you’ve hidden…

All those sins you can’t disguise…

~

“She’ll come slowly rising, on the air”…

fr

~

She found the letter…
And read the words…

She fell to the ground…
Her cry scattered the birds…

She laid there in shock…
Just couldn’t take it all in…

She didn’t know what to do…
Didn’t know where to begin…

She was enveloped in sadness…
Became shrouded in black…

She couldn’t ever accept…
He was never coming back…

She became so isolated…
Felt so goddamned trapped…

She was blinded by the pain…
Knew she would never adapt…

She loved him so much…
But felt so empty inside…

She craved his smell…
Needed his hand to guide…

She felt so alone…
Like life had no meaning…

She became a shadow…
Only seen in the evening…

She could not see…
Knew the silence would last…

She couldn’t move on…
Was entombed in the past…

She had believed in forever…
And dreamt of growing old…

She could not cope…
As depression took hold…

She lost the will to live…
And decided to get out…

She swallowed the pills…
Without hesitation or doubt…

Then she found him again…
As he sat waiting for her…

The couple finally reunited…
In Death’s cold, hazy blur…

~

“There’s nothing safe, about this life”…

death

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Death’s cold hand,
reaches out again…

Leaving behind misery,
desolation and pain…

A stark reminder,
of how fragile we are…

Here for a moment,
on a journey to the stars…

As the mortal coil,
is forever unwinding…

This life is for living,
yet we are dying…

By day and by night,
we ignore and pretend…

Whilst we edge closer,
to the bittter end…

Knowing that Death,
is always inches away…

We could dodge for years,
or we could go today…

And at that moment,
when we stop breathing…

When we are shown,
the footage of our deceiving…

Those final flashbacks,
like the movie edits…

All of the sins and
all of our regrets…

We’ll finally understand,
just what was planted…

The gift of our life,
we took for granted…

As we arrogantly wandered,
persistently distracting…

With delusions of grandeur,
whilst seldom respecting…

The power of Death and
all that he brings…

Until it’s too late and
the Angel choir sings…

~

“Sinner, I have never learned”…

angel

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The angels won’t save you…
They’ve covered their eyes…

And blocked their ears…
So they can’t hear your lies…

They know what you’re doing…
They watch from a far…

They are keeping a record…
Each and every little scar…

Every time you deceive…
Each mark your soul…

They know all the details…
And the size of the hole…

The one that’s being dug…
Especially for you…

Your final resting place…
When this life is through…

As you won’t fly with angels…
Or sit on the right hand…

There’ll be no Vestal Virgins…
There’ll be no promised land…

Your fate has been written…
By you and you alone…

The depths of Hell awaits…
Chained to Satan’s throne…

Forever to be reminded…
Of what you have done…

Your crimes all replayed…
All your dark sins rerun…

In a perpetual playback…
For your eyes only…

Showing you the impact…
On the weak and the lonely…

Those you have hurt…
And stabbed in the back…

Those lives you ruined…
And pushed into the black…

Because no one can save you…
You’re the one they despise…

The one who is marked…
A sinner with snake eyes…

~

“Safe in the wide open arms of Hell”…

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Remember, remember, remember…
It’s harder than you think…
A lonely dark night in November…
Distraction began with a drink…

Always trying to look forward…
Forever chained to the past…
Memories totally alcohol blurred…
Actions that happened so fast…

Eye…
Fly…
High…

He always liked to watch…
It’s what he once believed…
Swallow another scotch…
It numbed as he deceived…

Trying hard to stay in control…
Amid flashbacks of torment…
The dancer sliding down the pole…
Adults who would consent…

Fly…
Me…
High…

One moment in time gave him wings…
The belief he could indeed fly…
A giant amongst conquering kings…
Now guilt simply asks why…

Stop, stare, are they seeing this too…
A direct effect of the lies…
It’s above the beyond, focused out of view…
Only hindsight makes people wise…

Eye…
Won’t…
Cry…

And so it comes full circle…
His brain can’t handle the truth…
A story of Hyde & Mr Jekyll…
The finger now pointed at you…

Remember, remember, remember…
It’s harder than you think…
A lonely dark night in November…
Seduction began with a drink…

Eye…
Fly…
High…

~