This week, these pages are turned over to selected Guest Poets – I hope you enjoy!

My second Guest Poet has submitted for the first time– so please welcome Sixymama!

You can read more of Sixymama’s work here: https://sixymamaforthefuture.wordpress.com/

If you would like to send a submission in for a future Guest Poet spot, please email eyewillnotcry@hotmail.co.uk

Cheers

J

It’s moments like this when I want to hurt myself

and cut my skin until it bleeds

I want to feel the pain that comes with opening it up

seeing my blood, my tissues exposed to bleed

It swells through the cut, floods over and drips down

moves forward like a slow tide on a warm day inexorable inevitable

My blood my life my red – I want to feel something else

I want to not be so pent up hung up so angry frustrated

FEELING I WANT TO CUT OFF and why can’t I be quiet

and not feel it all when I want to

Why does it strike at the wrong times like now like then like always

My chest hurts it squeezes it pains me

I wish it were a heart attack but I know the truth

It is not a problem with my heart

It is a problem with my soul my me my mine

It makes my chest hurt, but  not the hurt I actually want to feel

But a hurt that didn’t scare me enough to shut it off

I want a heart attack, I want to die, I want to cease

I hate to be angry and yet it is me

I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, my selfless self

Myself of selfishness and selflessness myself that is here shut in the dark locked away

breathing but dying more each day

I wish I could cut myself

But I can’t because if I do

I don’t think I could stop