Please give a warm welcome to tonight’s guest poet Darque!
You can read more of Darque’s work here: http://darque.me
If you want to grab a guest poet slot, then please drop your words to firstname.lastname@example.org
As I sit here all alone tonight
In this strangely “medicated state”
My mind slowly begins to wander
And I quietly start to contemplate.
Sometimes, I just can’t help but wonder
If I really do care to see one more tomorrow
Because all that I can feel right now is anger
With so much loneliness, pain and sorrow.
I can actually say that I know the true meanings now
Of deep hurt, absolute agony and a very real hate
How could my life have turned into all this?
Oh, my god, I just hope that it’s not too late.
I am trying so desperately now to reach out
But, still, I am all alone here in the dark
And as I just lie here and close my eyes again
All of those old and frightening feelings start.
I have never felt so alone in all of my life
And in need of someone who really does care
But, although I weep in anger and cry out
I am still all alone, nobody is out there.
If this anger would just leave me and go away
And if I could only find some way to calm the pain,
It might make it just a little bit easier
For my brain to start to think straight again.
Oh, but now my thoughts begin to drift
All the way back into the dark corners of my past-
Was it me? did I really do this to myself?
Just when was it that the first stone was actually cast?
Will all this ever come to a peaceful end?
Hell, I don’t even know when it really started!
Just when did I loose track of all my priorities?
And, just who in the hell really did rip out my heart?
Why is it that I just cannot seem to care anymore?
Why is it that only the drugs manage to comfort me?
Is it only so that I will not be able to clearly see?
I seem to have lost almost every single thing
That, in reality, I might not have ever even had
And, not only does that really anger me
More than that, it is so very, very sad.
To all the people that I may have ever loved
Those are the ones that I have hurt the most-
Of this I am so aware, yet still I cannot seem to stop
I have never really been myself, only a ghost
Of a very sad, very lonely and very angry person
Who can only feel the most intense and burning pain
As it rips through my very heart and soul
And makes me feel as though I am quite insane.
As the reality and awareness try so hard to take over now
In those last moments before my lights finally go out…
I glimpse alien feelings of a real and true love for life
And I know in my heart, this cannot be what it is really all about!