“It is as it is” – For Cancer Research…

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Well…

Not quite sure what to say, but the paperback version of this book of poems is ready to buy earlier than planned! If you click the picture it should take you through to the lulu webpage.

It’s taken a while from concept to delivery, some road humps along the way, but it is not too bad for a first attempt.

All profit from this project will be collated over the next 12 months and donated to Cancer Research.

For your information, the cost to make each book is £4.10, so each purchase will mean a donation of £5.89. I will keep a running total on a fixed page somewhere so you can keep track if you are interested.

A hardback version will follow, but the cost price on that is huge, so I am not sure if there will be much in the way of selling / donations. Time will tell.

When I started this blog, I did it in secret and for the most part, I still do. I wrote and continue to write for therapy under servere pressure, trying to hold my head and my sanity together whilst the world around me fell apart. Watching my Father slip away crowned an amazing 15 month period in my life that couldn’t have been written by the best script writers.

But I am still here, still trying to get through life like we all do – It’s fair to say I have been on the ropes, but not knocked out…

I appreciate that many of you have read my words and have been subjected to my torrid last few months – for that I apologise and thank you in equal measure. Most of you are faceless to me, but you all have a talent in writing and reading others work inspires me to do better and look at my own work through a different lens.

I have had help and encouragement from offline too and they know who they are – so thank you!!

I hope that you are able to donate to this cause, but if not, the poems remain on the site and who knows, a volume 2 may evolve– so thanks again for reading and enjoy.

Cheers

J

“Another glimpse of a madman across the water”…

Inside his brittle mind…
Staring at the big Oak tree…
The burning torment climbs…
A hostile view he sees…

Behind his facial beard…
He’s been hiding in plain sight…
Fearing all that’s wise and weird…
Since he fell from a great height…

He used to rely on his pure charm…
Struck when defences were so low…
His Silver tongue managed to disarm…
Inside, women would let him go…

He’d softly utter secret words…
It’s where he would begin…
Carried on the wind that blows…
They unlocked hearts deep within…

It only feels like yesterday…
Inside his heavy head…
But as Hell’s wrath slowly boils away…
He keeps the memories close; unsaid…

His sanity has long since died…
No hint of that old sly grin…
A solemn stare now beams from his eyes…
His patience worn paper thin…

Now the broken glass distracts…
It shatters in the crowd…
A candle flame flickers, then retracts…
First bent, before standing proud…

He remembers when it burnt him…
The day he lost his soul…
The madness in his mind now swims…
His heart a broken hole…
    
Inside his brittle mind…
Hanging from that big Oak tree…
When did life become so unkind…
The voices promised he’d be free…

“The girl that’s driving me mad, is going away”…

~

She’s ringing friends from the airport…
And telling them all the news…
This man gave her a gift of some sort…
And an offer she cannot refuse…

She knows that all this is crazy…
They all think she is a fool…
But she likes making money this lazy…
Even if it means becoming a drug mule…

It’s got to be worth the gamble…
It must be worth the price…
All she has to do is amble…
And try not to even think twice…

They are all hidden in her backpack…
She only has to get through the gate…
And as long as she stays on track…
She’ll be coming home to celebrate…

So she sets off walking…
Smug, feeling clever and great…
Hands her bag in whilst talking…
She’ll charm them like they are her mate…

She possesses a dazzling smile…
It’s worked for her in the past…
An inch taken for every mile…
She’s sure this time won’t be the last…

But the security men are not smiling…
They ask her to follow them in…
A lawyer she soon will be dialling…
She’s no longer smug, lost her grin…

She’s ringing home from the airport…
And telling her family the news…
She cries as she’s put under escort…
And the police begin their interviews…

~

“Sometimes everything is wrong”…

He’s writing down his tears…
Describing all the hurt he feels inside…
They’ve been hidden throughout the years…
All these feelings he denied…
Each escaping teardrop that falls…
Recalls a bitter memory from the past…
They’ve been hidden behind his walls…
Each one bigger than the last…

Exploding onto each and every page…
They erupt out of his mind…
Filled with anger, laced with rage…
Most are vicious, all so unkind…
These are the words he cannot say…
Emotions that fill him with dread…
They are the source of his decay…
Like a daily torture chamber in his head…

Each day’s a constant grind…
Every second leaves him uninspired…
Peace in his soul, he struggles to find…
His mind’s so mentally tired…
It may never make much sense…
And it’s so hard to understand…
Some days the pain is so intense…
Sometimes he just can’t expand…

Because his heart is full of darkness…
His soul broken, ripped and torn…
She’s the cause of all his sadness…
And for her, he’ll forever morn…
Forever chasing her shadow…
Because he never tried to save her…
He’s burnt up in her afterglow…
This responsibility he can never transfer…

So he hurts all those around him…
And he carries this pain alone…
This river of blood, he must swim…
With a heavy heart made of stone…
He’s writing down his tears…
Describing all the hurt he feels inside…
His guilt will never disappear…
Nor will the screams he never cried…

 

Thanks to Jan for the inspiration…

“It’s a pleasure when you’re in my command”…

~

You can’t fucking kill me…
Because I’m already dead…
A ghostly shadow of a man…
I reside within your head…

Only you can see me…
No one else can ever hear…
I’m your soul’s companion…
And the one that you should fear…

Because I know what you are thinking…
I see what your evil eye sees…
I plant the thoughts into your mind…
All your actions are down to me…

I made you do the bad things…
I let you do all that was good…
And when it came to the evil…
I was the spark on the firewood…

I’m the unseen puppet master…
Controlling all that I choose…
If you ever tried to break free…
You know what you would lose…

All you have to do is obey…
Follow each and every command…
I’ll guide you at the crossroads…
Navigate you through the sinking sands…

But the moment that you cross me…
The minute you try to ignore…
I’ll drag you to a tormented hell…
And you’ll regret forever more…

So don’t even think about it…
Just do exactly as you’re told…
Accept we’re in this together…
And count the lives we’ve stole…

You can’t fucking kill me…
I reside within your head…
You can never destroy me…
I’ll be here long after you’re dead…
~

“But at night it’s a different world”…

~

The bright city lights…

An unsuspecting tourist trap…

Within a dark undercurrent…

They’re pushing their crap…

Wandering around the streets…

Offering up their goods…

Walking up to strangers…

Like fearless Bears in their wood…

They have crack cocaine…

It’s yours for a hefty price…

But before you dare buy…

You’d better think twice…

They have so many sellers…

And a mindless mob mentality…

Show one sign of weakness…

Your safety won’t be guaranteed…

They’ll quietly follow you back…

Into the dark underground…

Then at the right point…

And without making a sound…

They’ll take you from behind…

And slit your fucking throat…

These thieves in the night…

Will then rob you and gloat…

Another unsuspecting victim…

Like a lamb to the slaughter…

One simple misjudgement…

Never again see your son or daughter…

The bright city lights…

A long long way from home…

Keep your head down…

Don’t venture out alone…

~

“Hanging on to hope, when there is no hope to speak of”…

~

The man with no eyes…
Walks up and down the train…
Simply begging for money…
It all seems so inhumane…
He has one limb missing…
Guides himself with a White stick…
Yet people try to ignore him…
As if he’s some kind of lunatic…

The child on the street…
Wrapped in a blanket of dirt…
Has been so mistreated…
A life filled with mistrust and hurt…
Scrambling around for any coins…
Dropped beneath our feet…
Or bravely asking aloud…
With a smile so sad, but so sweet…

The girl with her hand out…
Sits quietly on the stairs…
Praying someone takes pity…
Hoping that somebody cares…
Trying to make a living…
From the kindness of passers-by…
Yet nobody ever sees her…
Or the tears in her eyes…

What kind of world do we live in…
If they don’t beg, they don’t eat…
We don’t stop to ask their story…
Of how they ended up on the street…
Instead we attempt to avoid them…
And uncomfortably walk past…
Thanking our God it’s not us…
Who are treated like life’s outcast…

~