“I went into a church, I stopped along the way”…

 

Funerals, Facebook and Fucking Bognor Regis…

So, where am I – it’s all becoming a bit of a blur really. Trying to keep going because I am afraid if I stop, I won’t start up again.

People keep asking if the funeral went “well”. To be honest, I am not sure how to respond to that. Other than, it went as well as it can.

A freezing cold church, a few strangers in a sea of familiar faces and a religious service that I am sure brought comfort to some.

Not being the religious type, I sat through it and listened intently, hoping there was something for me to cling to, some conversion perhaps. I found none. But then, I guess that wasn’t the purpose of the event.

We said goodbye to dad, put him in the ground with a handful of roses and the event was over. It was hard on many levels. However, trying to move forward is proving harder at the moment.

One thing that came out of the day was a few faces I hadn’t seen or connected with in a while. Mainly due to my fall out with Facebook I guess. It began to annoy me in 2011 for various reasons.

I began to question if I wanted to be part of this at all. I use twitter, I blog, do I really need Facebook. After all, most “updates” were inane – is that the right word – I didn’t want to know that an old school mate had just made a cup of tea for example.

So I came off Facebook and lasted a year. However, I have now reconnected myself. I feel dirty and grubby, like an alcoholic falling off the wagon. Within a week, I am considering coming back off it. It appears to be the same old and not sure I can be bothered with it.

After the funeral, I had to pack for a weekend away. This was planned a month ago, when I found that a family friend I lost contact with last year (my year of hell) – he’d had a stroke and was in a home down there.

I figured the distraction would do me good. How wrong was I. A near 6 hour journey to the coast was a killer, then the heartbreak and sadness of seeing my old friend in such a state.

To see such an intelligent man reduced to the state he is now in was just too much to bare. He has lost the right side of his body, struggles to talk and has trouble remembering.

Fortunately, the recognition was still there, so for 3 days, we at least made him smile. But we left and he remains. Alone. Family on the other side of the world and we are too far away just to drop in and say Hi.

My only salvation on the trip was a couple of hours watching the tide come in under a starlit sky. Magical, Mystical and wonderful.

So, that’s where I am at the moment. With the much needed distraction of 2 gigs upcoming, I can at least escape a while. I have a feeling I am going to need it.

Thanks for sticking with this ramble – as a reward, this song was played on the trip home from Bognor. I was blown away by this version of the song – I hope you are too – California Dreamin’ by Jose Feliciano – What a find!

Enjoy

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