“Well give me two good reasons, why I ought to stay…”

~

… stop fucking …
… with me …
… and …
… playing with …
… my …
… mind …
… stop defending …
… me …
… deleting …
… all …
… my wicked crimes …
… stop confusing …
… me …
… questioning …
… my sanity …
… stop asking …
… me …
… preying …
… on my …
… vanity …
… stop talking …
… to me …
… convincing …
… me …
… to deceive …
… stop flattering …
… me …
… making …
… me …
… believe …
… stop annoying …
… me …
… analysing all …
… I do …
… stop accusing …
… me …
… enslaving all …
… that is not …
… true …
… stop arguing …
… with …
… me …
… ending will …
… begin the …
… fight …
… stop breaking …
… me …
… ignoring …
… a million …
… warning …
… lights …
… stop controlling …
… me …
… just expecting …
… I …
… will do …
… stop fucking …
… with me …
… it keeps …
… me …
… wanting …
… you …

~

“Guess whose living here, with the great undead…”

The dead and the departed…
Had barely even started…
Wisdom they imparted…
Yet didn’t have a clue…
A stranger they befriended…
Hospitality extended…
Confusion then descended…
  Not sure what to do…
He got them all addicted…
The killer was convicted…
Family was evicted…
“They” kept turning the screw…
The home they left is haunted…
It’s what they would have wanted…
The tease became the taunted…
Broken hearts bleed Blue…
Their story has now ended…
Is this what they intended…
All belief suspended…
Weird and strange but true…

“I don’t think it meant anything to you…”

If I am honest, I did have a little chuckle to myself  when I read my colleagues blog about internet issues. He had changed providers and that “simple” act had caused uproar in his household.

Fast forward a few weeks and the internet karma police caught up with me. It was only half a day, but those few hours with no internet access led to a similar drama played out on the home front.

The router wasn’t working, which meant no signal. In turn that meant no WIFI and wow, you don’t know what you have got till it’s gone. Shallow but true. How we have become to take the internet for granted and in so many different ways.

It was though, a perfect opportunity to remind Young Ollie that life did exist pre: internet.  He was amused at the thought and couldn’t comprehend. At 11 years old, the internet has been as much a constant in his life as food, heat, electric and running water.

Of course, Young Ollie is from an era that is so technologically advanced, its quite scary. He can not understand what we did with no internet. Similarly with no mobile phones, or even Sky TV. It makes me feel old just thinking about it, but around 2001 was the first time I even got a home PC.

And yet, I’m not even 40, so it’s not hard to see why people older than myself struggle to adapt to todays world. My parents have only just got a mobile phone and it’s the simplest of models that Young Ollie wouldn’t be seen dead with, even if given for free.

I never thought that I would be so reliant on technology – but honestly,  if I forget my iphone, I am lost without it. Just as I was pulling my hair out trying to get online the other day. But that pre: internet world existed.

There was a time whereby I had to reach for teletext or Ceefax for football scores. Or wait for the local evening paper for news of my beloved Leeds United. 24-7 sports news didn’t exist.

Well, that’s not strictly true, there was a “clubcall” premium phone line that I could ring if I was prepared to run up my parents phone bill. And frankly, if I was going to get blasted for that, I would have rung the XXX chatlines for less.

And we had no SKY tv – heck I can just about remember when Channel 4 was launched. Yes, I know, there are even crazy people out there who even tell you that TV didn’t exist at one point. Way before my time I hasten to add and Young Ollie can’t even begin to understand that one.

We never had mobile phones – it was the Red phone box and a pile of 2 pence coins if we wanted to contact people. Infact, even those calls were few and far between, because if we wanted to speak to someone, we went to their house and knocked on the door!

The world was a smaller place. It revolved around your community, your local park and the people in your neighbourhood. These days I am more likely to text someone in London for conversation rather than nip next door to the misery we live next to.

We advance & we adapt. As a species I suppose its why we are still here. Some would say its what sets us apart. I am not 100% sure that this way of living is totally better – but if I take off my rose colored specs, it has it’s definite advantages.

I just hope that Young Ollie can take advantage of the continued opportunities his life presents him. He is doing OK thus far, well, as long as he has WIFI!

What else could accompany a ramble on technology, but the sublime Gary Numans –  “Are friends Electric”

Enjoy…

“No time to think about what she’s done…”

She lost her mind a long time ago…

She lost it in the deep White snow…

She lost her will, became a ghostly shadow…

She lost the man, she lost her love…

She lost the spark, her hand in glove…

She lost belief in the Gods above…

She lost her way, could no longer see…

She lost her spirit, was forced to her knees…

She lost her life, to some degree…

She found by chance, a chance to grow…

She found a someone, who let her know…

She found some pieces and to began to sew…

She found the strength to live again…

She found warmth in the freezing rain…

She found some courage and caught the train…

She found a place she could belong…

She found her voice and now sings his song…

She found her soul, after all hope was gone…

“Between us there’s too much space…”

Try keep my side of the bargain…
Getting harder every time…
I’m not sure what you’re wanting…
Not convinced it is a crime…
Just when I forget you…
There you are again…
A tiny little reminder…
Of how it was back then…
It’s not that I don’t want to…
It’s not that I don’t care…
But this was the agreement…
Confusion just not fair…
Not positive, just pointless…
Words used to describe…
Point of view respected…
Not really a surprise…
Now the journeys ended…
To where it all began…
Simply moving forward…
There is no other plan…
I don’t want you to contact me…
No wait… Fuck, that’s just not true…
Conflicted thoughts take over…
What’s a Poor Boy supposed to do…

Split Enz: “Poor Boy”…

“How I wish, how I wish you were here…”

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~

It is as it is…
Perhaps it never was…
Staring into the abyss…
On the brink of utter chaos…

They sit there and judge me…
But have no idea who I am…
Can not see what I see…
Or read my cosmic plan…

They don’t really know me…
Or begin to truly understand…
Life won’t ever set us free…
Fate not in our command…

They find it hard to trust me…
Garden where confusion grew…
Mirror where my heart should be…
Distorts their point of view…

They won’t ever forgive me…
Sick of playing silly games…
Drowning in a spiteful sea…
Trapped in Hells Black flames…

They won’t ever release me…
A prisoner of their hateful war…
Even when on bended knee…
Emotional cage remains mine to explore…

They know the one who held me…
The one that I let go…
Please don’t tell nobody…
And never let it show…

It is as it is…
Perhaps it never was…
The edge of the abyss…
The brink of utter chaos…

~

The Music of my Life(ish) – Part 2…

When I wrote PART 1 last year, I was quite surprised it was read, let alone provoked a bit of reaction. It appears that a lot of people can identify with the notion of a “life” musical soundtrack. With that in mind – and the original caveats and assumptions still intact-  I have decided to share a few other songs that have shaped / or have impacted on my life. I am learning a few things about myself as I go through these, so whilst you may have little / limited interest, the therapy is purely selfish. So, here you go – the dreaded sequel – it can never be as good…

However, as you will have noted, a certain Kiwi songwriter dominates these pages. Therefore I have deliberately extracted him from this blog.  Though I do not apologise to anyone when I say, he will continue to be a strong presence in my future ramblings…

Once again, these are in no particular order and some of the reasons may not be strictly true, but if you read between the lines and all that. If you click the song title, then you should be taken to a youtube link – provided that has worked –  enjoy…

Queen – The Show Must Go On.

“Another heartache, another failed romance”

On the day Freddie died, a colleague came to work tear stained and with a black armband on. He was laughed at by most of the staff and made the butt of jokes in the warehouse for weeks. I was too young to understand. I wasn’t really aware who Freddie was, other than from the fading band Queen. It took me a long time to realise and understand the impact Freddie had on this world. I went through a phase of going through Queens music and this song was an immediate stand out. The lyrics rich and vivid, the sentiment heartbreaking. The aforementioned bloke was called Paul. He never really connected with anyone at work. He was a bit of a loner. I regret not being mature enough to recognise that. I fear the day my life loses Mr Finn…

The Wonderstuff – Mission Drive

“I’m not losing my mind, no I’m not changing my lines,
I’m just learning new things with the passage of time.”

Sadly, this band will be best know for “Dizzy” with Vic Reeves, however I was introduced to this band in the “HUP” era. A lad in my first work placement was crazy on them and it was easy to see why. As a spotty teenager, the lyrics sparkled and were so different from anything else around at the time. However it was the CD “Never loved Elvis” that cemented my love affair with them. A darker side emerged from both the band and myself, with this song sparking many a brooding teenage night…

REM – Drive

“What if you did? What if you walk? What if you tried to get off, baby?”

So what can you do if you really don’t like a band, really don’t like a singer, yet fall in love with one of their songs? A hard one for me, because it takes a lot for me to give in, takes a lot for me to admit to myself that I may have misjudged. REM are one of those bands I hated for such a long time. However this song was like a knife in the ribs. Its evocative, delivered superbly and has the capacity to take me back. Back to that mates house, you may remember the one with the neighbour I had a crush on. Damn you Stipe…

Chris Isaak – Wicked Game.

“What a wicked thing to say you never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you”

Now you may think, like U2’s “one”, this song has been played to death by now and it’s past its sell by date. I would argue the opposite, in that it has got better with time. Different era of my life, different girl. The stereotypical older girl in the office. The stereotypical boy entering a mans world of work and not really having a clue. They maybe knocked nowadays, but the Youth Training Schemes of the early 90’s gave me a good grounding in life, for so many reasons. I will leave that one there…

The Police – Every breath you take

“Since you’ve gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face”

Was there ever a bigger open letter from a stalker to his prey? This never had any emotional connection, I am honestly not a stalker, but the song is stunning and the lyrics struck me the first time I heard it. I am not a fan of The Police, nor Sting, but this song and “Don’t stand so close to me” are just amazing, open and honest songs…

Del Amitri – This side of the Morning…

“But don’t try telling me that she was not
An emerald in a mountain of coal”

Well, she was more than an emerald at the time. I guess we have all been there and I am no different. She was beautiful, sassy, sexy, popular and a tease. Led me on, promised me maybes and hooked up with the poster boy from the town. Crushed… just a tad. As I have said before – if you need a song to get over heartache, Justin Currie is your man…

David Bowie – Man who sold the world

“I thought you died alone, a long long time ago”

Having older brothers had its advantages, the main one being able to sneak into their rooms and listen to their vinyl collection whilst they were out. My first memory of Bowie was “Space Oddity”. My brother would play it loud, over and over again. It wasn’t a song I liked, but I did connect with Bowies distinctive voice. It wasn’t long before I was sneaking in and finding my own way around Bowie. This one was the first to hit the spot. To be honest, I never really looked back on those times until I heard Nivarna cover it in the 90’s. It transported me back then and still does really. It takes me to a time when my family was functional and intact. It feels a long way from here…

Finally today – to right a wrong and add balance. I was under the assumption in my previous blog that Elton John wrote the stunning and beautiful “Lovesong”. Infact – as was pointed out by a wonderful Frenz – this song was written by Lesley Duncan. I personally still prefer Elton’s version, probably due to familiarity, but this is every bit as good as Elton’s version and I hope you enjoy…