“No regrets, they only hurt”…

So, how are you going to spend the last day of the world? It’s both a strange & scary question at the same time – let alone a horrendous thought. However, if the widespread belief is to be true, then December 21st it is and that’s not too very far away…

Given the twists and turns 2012 has thrown so far, you just wouldn’t put it past someone, something, somewhere to provide the sting in the tail – however, it would appear unlikely we will face the kind of Armageddon predicted…

Yet, it does give food for thought- what would I do? I would like to think I would take it on the chin, gather my family and see out the end of days with honour – though its much more likely I would run around like chicken licken telling the world that the sky is indeed falling in…

It does once again allow the fragility of life to be considered. Its ever present with my family at the moment. My old mans timelines have been reduced from 6-12 mths to 3 at best due to the cancer spread. Never has the phrase Death by a thousand cuts been so apt…
No regrets – That’s the advice people give me now. Have no regrets. I suppose this would tie in with the world ending too – could you die tomorrow and have no regrets? Are there honestly no moments in life that you look back on and think – yeah, wouldn’t do that if I had the chance to do it again…

I used to think that I lived a life with no regrets, but sadly, I now acknowledge that’s not true. Did what I thought was right at the time, acted on the facts that were presented to me – but still regrets all the same. Perhaps I always knew that, perhaps I was capable of burying things deep enough away . I don’t know. However, I am aware of them now and there is little I can do…

A bit has stemmed from my dad. Since the initial news 6 mths ago, he has become a shadow of the man I have grown up with. A pale imitation of a figure that I have loved, respected and at times, hated and rebelled against. His trip into depression and subsequent personal hell, has dragged the rest of us with him and its been hard to stay positive at times…

We have so little time left, yet so much to say. Yet at the same time, its not possible to talk. Conversation is one sided, and difficult. One word replies are the best I can hope for, so making him as comfortable as possible is the current aim. So the times not right, the time will never be right. So, with regret, we play this one out to the end…

My commitment is to ensure that young Ollie and myself will have no regrets when this time comes around again. My commitment to my son is to do things differently, to ensure that we enjoy a relationship that we are both proud of. It’s a noble aim and one that will be tested in the fullness of time…

Once you begin to acknowledge regrets exist, its difficult not to allow Pandora’s box to be opened. Its difficult to look at the choices made and not look back and think… Should the 21st December be the end of days, there is nothing any of us can do – however, should it be usual Christmas shopping on the 22nd, I can at least commit to trying to regret less going forward…

Should you feel the need to be more reassured or panicked, more information of the impending doom can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_phenomenon
Well, that was a disjointed quick ramble and if your still reading, you need a reward – now you’re waiting for Robbie Williams to go with the regret theme aren’t you – well, yes, I am that predictable – This was from Knebworth in 2001 – I was there, it was an amazing gig at a strange time in my life. It also contains the killer line : “I didn’t lose my mind it was Mine to give away” – genius considering its a Robbie song and deserves to be heard just for that!
Cheers
J

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